Cupid Painted Blind
by Kaitsa
Summary: Edward and Bella have always been neighbors. Bella was born blind, but Edward never minded, they were inseparable. Somehow they turned into best friends with benefits. But all is about to change this summer. AH/AU OOC. Rated M for lemons.
1. Day 1 Graduation

**AN: I don't own…**

**Summary:  
**_Edward and Bella have been neighbors all their lives. Bella was born blind, but Edward never minded, they were inseparable. Somehow during high school they turned into best friends with benefits. But all is about to change this summer.  
AH/AU OOC. Rated M for lemons._

* * *

_Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind;  
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind._

~ William Shakespeare ~

* * *

**Day 1: Graduation**

**Bella's Point of View **

Two strong arms picked me up and twirled me around. I shrieked in false shock. And he laughed out loud.

There was only one person that would toss me around this carelessly. As if I was a human, like the rest of them. I'm only blind, but I swear some people treat me like I'm disabled in every possible way.

Not him. Thank god.

"Put me down, Edward!"

"Bella, baby, this is going to be the best summer ever!"

He yelled in my ear. He put me down, but still held my shoulders, slightly shaking me in excitement. I fought a smile.

"No need to shout, I'm not deaf."

He chuckled.

"Let's get out of here, I want to show you something." He started walking, pulling my hand to follow him. But I didn't budge.

"Na-ah, I promised dad that I would have a celebration dinner with him."

It sounds fancy, but in fact it only means me cooking for the both of us and eating in front of the TV. Edward knows this of course.

"This is your graduation day, you shouldn't be working. Have dinner with my family. They won't mind. Emmett's coming too, so there will be plenty of food."

"Shouldn't it be: Emmett's coming too, so there will be no food left whatsoever?"

"Mom has been stuffing the fridge this entire week. And Rose is coming along, so he's not allowed to eat too much," he said and he added in a conspiracy whisper "she's working on his figure."

I laughed out loud. I know Emmett never cared much about healthy food, but nevertheless, I never heard any girl complain about his figure. Quite on the contrary.

"Come on now," he pulled me again "this won't take long. What I want to show you is back home anyway. Call your dad to get dressed and come over."

When Edward is this enthusiastic, he usually gets his way. He's kinda shy so when his beautiful smile appears, no one can resist. Or so I've been told.

I'm not falling for the smile though, I just like him happy.

"Wait, I need to say goodbye to my friends first."

Edward groaned and loosened his grip.

"I'll never get you back home" he muttered.

But he sighed deeply and grabbed my hand again, pulling me in the other direction. Towards the happy and giddy sounds of teenagers set on the loose.

Once we got close enough, we were swallowed by boys and girls, who seemed to be sharing one major group hug. I kept hearing "Bella you have to stay in touch" and "Bella I'm going to miss you so much". I was crushed and embraced and kissed by several friends at the same time.

All the while, Edward had my hand in a tight grip. He came across as my silent protector, but right now, I knew I was the strong one. Edward hates crowded places, and he doesn't like the teenage 'oh my god love you so much' kind of thing. He only opens up in small groups with people he knows.

I slightly squeezed his hand back.

When we were finally able to untangle ourselves from the mass and started walking towards he his car, he was able to relax again.

He still held my hand. He was one of the few people I trusted in guiding me. He's been doing it his entire life, even when he's distracted, he never forgets to point out a step or puddle.

To be honest, it's not just a trust thing with other people. I just hate to be dependent, so most of the times, when somebody offers me their arm, I quickly unfold my blind cane and reject them politely.

All except Edward.

There's no point really. He knows me inside out. I don't need to pretend around him. And he doesn't pretend around me.

As soon as we got into his car, he let out a phew, while firing up the engine and speeding away from the parking lot.

"Glad we got that over and done with."

"Oh come on Edward, there must be some people you're going to miss too."

"Not really."

"How about Lauren?"

"Bella, that's ended a long time ago."

"I think she'll miss you."

"Yeah, well, too bad for her. Wasn't my type anyway."

"Lame, Edward."

"I know. I'll miss Miss Porter though."

I chuckled. "I never get why all the boys like her. She's not even a nice person. At all."

"Jeez Bella, you can be so shallow sometimes. Miss Porter got such nice boobs."

Now I laughed out loud.

The windows were open and I enjoyed the wind in my hear.

He was right, this could be a beautiful summer.

"What are you thinking?"

I turned my head towards him, even though there was no use.

"I think I might look forward to this summer."

"You _think_ you _might_? Come on Bella, we'll have a blast, I promise."

My grin got wider.

After he parked the car in front of his house, he took me to the back.

"Okay, now close your eyes, and no peaking" he said. This was one of our inside jokes. It meant that I wasn't allowed to touch anything, so I crossed my arms and let him lead me.

"Up one step. And another step. Duck your head. A few more steps forward. Okay, now open them."

I moved my arms in front of me and heard Edward hold his breath in anticipation. I had no idea where I was.

In front of me was a counter. I let my hand slide slowly over the surface, as I took a step forward.

"Careful with the head."

I lifted my arms to feel what obstacles he was talking about. There were cupboards, dangerously low.

"What is this?"

"You have to guess. There's a lot more to discover."

He got impatient though, and took my hand to lead me. I felt the edge of a table, and next to it a couch. And then suddenly I knew.

"It's the camper you rented."

"Yep. You like?"

"Wow, I can stand up straight in this."

"Of course, what did you expect? That we would be hunched our entire vacation?"

"Sort of." I smiled.

"So, what do you think?"

"Show me everything."

This was the cue he had been waiting for and he enthusiastically let me feel every corner and every cupboard, the toilet, the fridge, and the couch that could be turned into a double bed.

He pulled me closer to him, my back against his chest and his arms around me, whispering in my ear "I want to change our rules a bit this vacation."

I shivered at his breath against my ear.

"Not gonna happen, Cullen." I freed myself and turned around to frown in his direction.

"Oh come on! You've got to be kidding me. We'll be sleeping in one bed for three weeks, and I'm only allowed to touch you once a week?"

"Is that why you wanted this vacation?" I exclaimed in fake offense.

"Aw, Bella you know that's not true. Fine, we'll keep the rules. But you're going to be _begging_ me to change them."

"Sure." I smiled. He might be right on that one. If Edward wants something, he usually gets it.

I decided to change the subject "Too bad you can't fit your piano in here. No Cullen concerto for me for three weeks."

"I've got my tapes, and I'll bring my guitar."

"Good."

"Just picture it Bella, the two of us in the middle of nowhere, with a campfire roasting some meat and singing songs all night."

"Are you turning romantic on me now?" I teased.

"Whatever Bella, I see you smiling, you look forward to get away from here as much as I do."

"Come here," I said, and I gave him a bear hug. He sounded like he wasn't really in the mood for my teasing so I decided to play nice.

"You're right. I'm looking forward to our road trip and I think this summer is going to be great."

"Our last summer as neighbors."

He would soon be leaving for college, while I hadn't really made future plans yet.

I swallowed and pulled him even closer to me.

Hopefully not our last summer as friends, I thought.

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**AN: So this will be the story of the road trip Edward and Bella will make the next three weeks, day after day with alternating POV. Are you interested?**


	2. Day 2 Charlie

**Day 2: Charlie**

**Edward POV**

Charlie didn't join us at dinner last night. He didn't want to impose on our family celebration, but he understood that Bella stayed and they would postpone their celebration to today. I was allowed to come as well. We all knew he just didn't want to miss out on the football game yesterday night on TV. And he didn't like the family thing anyway.

He was so unlike Bella. She's outgoing, spontaneous, open and warm. When she was talking yesterday, about the ceremony and all, she had my entire family wrapped around her finger. She doesn't do it on purpose, seeking attention, it just comes naturally.

Charlie is more like me, quiet and brooding.

I told her once about this striking difference, and she said that her mother had been outgoing as well. But that deep down, she was more like Charlie than most people noticed. She appeared more confident than she actually was, not wanting any pity from our friends. This attitude hadn't harmed her, on the contrary.

Being able to show her easygoing nature to everybody had opened doors for her. Everybody loves Bella. She was overly popular, with boys and girls. All the while still the blind girl, so nobody envied her.

Despite this popularity as a friend, she never had a real boyfriend.

Not since she was thirteen, and never longer than two weeks during summer camp. Charlie started to worry, ask awkward question. If maybe she liked girls instead.

She was mortified. Not at the thought - Bella is very open minded, even more so than me, and I grew up with Emmett - but at the idea that her father felt like he needed to talk to her about her lack of boyfriends.

I know she was worried as well, but we never talked about it. We were able to be open about everything, no taboos. But I didn't cut subjects that might hurt her, like her fear of growing old alone. Me telling her that she would never be alone with me as a best friend had not helped her, the one time we did talk about it. She never brought it up again either.

By implying one of our infamous plans, we managed to hit two birds with one stone: we told Charlie we were together, boyfriend and girlfriend.

We both know that we're not each other's type, romantically, but Charlie doesn't know that. We didn't even need to persuade him. He believed us even before we said it out loud.

I have to admit, we do act like a couple sometimes. Only we never kiss. But not all couples kiss in public, so that's not really a necessity.

The first advantage of our plan was that Charlie was off her back about the boyfriend thing.

The second one was that she was allowed to go on this road trip with me. Bella is eighteen, so she doesn't need his permission, but she wanted it anyway.

"Hey Edward, stop thinking so hard, that brow of yours someday might stay in place like that," she teased, guessing how I must look.

"I'm sorry if I ruin your view on my pretty face," I joked back, but she was right. I straightened my face rubbing it with my hands.

"What were you thinking about?" she asked, as she was stirring the soup on the stove. I sat at the kitchen table and watched her.

I sometimes tried to be a hero, by helping out the blind girl in the kitchen, but I always end up messing everything up. She's much better at this than I am, so I am now condemned to just sitting while she cooks.

"About that strange father of yours."

"What about him?"

"Now he knows we're sleeping together – as you are assumed to sleep with your boyfriend – you're allowed to come on our trip. But you weren't allowed when he assumed we were just being good kids. I would have expected the Chief to react the other way around."

"I told you he would rather have us be together."

"Yeah, I know. But I don't get it."

"I have a theory about it."

"Let's hear it."

"Well, he knows how attached we are to each other. And I think he believed that you were claiming me too much and he was protecting my poor heart by not letting me go on the trip. Now you are my so called boyfriend, your intentions appear to be noble. You know what I mean?"

"Yeah," I answered softly. I understood all too well.

"What?"

She can't see me, but she hears more in my voice than I want to let on.

"Do you think that as well? That I'm using you without noble intentions?"

"Of course not. It takes two, remember. I swear he's from a different century sometimes. Besides, I don't know if he assumes the sleeping together part, so hush on that one."

"Of course. The man has a rifle."

"Several."

I gulped loudly and she smirked.

"There he comes. Behave, _honey,_" she said, emphasizing the last word with a wink.

She's got the ears of a… I don't know, an animal with really good hearing. We didn't change our posture. Since everybody believed we acted like a couple a lot of the time, that comes in handy for our plan here. And even if we were together, we wouldn't be touchy feely around Charlie, so no need to put up a show.

"Hmmm, smells nice in here, Bella. Oh, hello Edward."

"Hello Chief Swan."

I know I can call him Charlie, but he shows a little smile when addressed like this, which is a lot for him. He winked at me and let us alone in the kitchen, turning on the TV in the living room.

I know he likes me. And so he should, I have been really good for his daughter. Except for sleeping with her whenever we get horny. But of course Bella would say that counts as being good for her too, I thought, suppressing a smug smile.

This friends with benefits thing was perfect for us. The first time it happened, it wasn't planned and I was afraid it would change things between us, but it never did. And so we kept doing it. For two years now. Whenever I wasn't seeing someone of course. Sometimes I would start, sometimes she would. I hardly ever felt like I was using her. We were helping each other out. And neither of us felt anything romantically for the other, only friendship, so it was no big deal, right?

After the second time, we installed rules.

Rule number one, which is the most important one: no kissing.

I wouldn't mind kissing her, a nice kiss can be like foreplay. But we both agreed on this rule wholeheartedly. Kissing is often referred to as more intimate than the actual sex, so we didn't risk things getting awkward or messed up. We were only getting each other off. Having our way with a familiar body and afterwards we were back to being Edward and Bella. No aftersex cuddling. Just the occasional hug now and then. No more or less than before.

Rule number two: top secret. Obviously.

We weren't allowed to tell anybody. Not even our closest friends, not even our diary. If anyone ever should find out, we promised each other to deny till we drop. They wouldn't understand anyway.

Rule number three: No more than once a week. No matter how horny we were.

We shouldn't depend on each other for our needs all of the time. So once a week it was.

This rule made it easier to say no. Because we weren't always horny at the same time. We were allowed to deny without valid reason at any time. Although I actually never denied her.

In real life, we didn't do it every week. More like once or twice a month. She wasn't my girlfriend and we weren't roommates. Therefore we had to be really careful not to get caught.

So basically, these were the rules and in those two years, we haven't broken them once.

But I had to admit, this benefits thing is one of the reasons that I look forward to our road trip. Away from everything. I look forward to not sneak around and being able to just let go. I know she does too. She pretends to be offended by my perverted needs, but I know she feels the same way.

She called out to Charlie to come to the table, whispering "brooding" to me. I chuckled and helped her put everything on the table.

We ate in relaxed silence, only the sound of forks and knives against plates. Bella is an amazing cook, she can turn any man speechless.

"So," Charlie started, once his food was finished, looking from one to the other "what are you guys going to be up to the rest of the day?"

"Just packing, I guess." Bella turned towards me.

"Yes. Packing."

"And at what time do you leave tomorrow?"

"Around lunch."

"I'll take the day off from work then."

"No dad, you don't have to do that. It's only a vacation."

He nodded, but I knew he would anyway. After he lost Renée in a car accident he raised Bella on his own. And even though she blossomed into this amazing woman, he never ceases to worry about her.

This would be the first time she would spend such a long time away from him. He needed this as much as she did. To grasp that she was growing up. She might leave Forks forever in September, and he would have to be able to survive. She stuffed the freezer with food for him this summer, but some day, he would have to fend for himself.

"And that camper, are you sure it's safe?"

"Dad…" Bella started but I interrupted.

"It's a new camper, Chief, but if you would like to check it out before we leave, we would feel a lot better."

He grumbled his approval and got up to grab a beer from the fridge. He went back to the living room and sat down in front of the TV again.

Bella smiled at me for my brilliant move and started cleaning up. While we were both doing the dishes I asked "So, the packing…"

"Sure, I'll help you. And you have to help me. It goes a lot faster with eyes."

"How come you always know what I want to say?"

"You're very predictable. I helped you packing every family vacation you ever had."

"Oh. Right."

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**AN: Okay, so you're interested. Tomorrow they'll leave. And now, are you excited? ;-)**


	3. Day 3 On the Road

**Day 3: On the Road**

**Bella POV**

"Hey sleepyhead, get up!"

He opened the curtains and I pretended to be blinded by the light, like he always does when I wake him. I even squealed a bit.

He sat on the edge of the bed and nudged me. "I don't squeal, Bella."

"You so do," I retorted. My voice was still thick and I started stretching my limbs and my back like a cat.

"What time is it?"

"Nine."

"Ugh." I turned around and pulled the cover back over me.

But he easily tore it away from me again.

"Come on, Swan, we need to go grocery shopping before we leave."

"We can buy all we want on our way."

"You don't know that. We'll be in the middle of nowhere."

"Alright alright," I grumbled "give me fifteen minutes."

When I got downstairs, and grabbed some cereals, Edward was nervously tapping his foot. He can be quiet and relaxed for hours, but sometimes I swear his impatience drives me crazy.

Just to annoy him a little more, I poured the milk in my bowl ever so slowly. I don't know why I am so mean to him this often. He's just an easy teasing subject I guess.

"That was more than fifteen minutes, Bella."

He wasn't amused.

"I had to make the most out of my last shower."

"You'll be fine. It's only one week, I'm sure the hotel in LA has a very luxurious shower." The second week of the trip we would be staying in a hotel.

"I'll be filthy."

"That's the charm of camping."

I chuckled and started eating my breakfast. It was kinda adorable how excited he was about this trip. Sure I was excited too, we have been planning our route for weeks, but he was like a little boy that finally gets to go fishing with daddy.

"You don't think you'll get bored for three weeks with me?"

"Come on Bella, being with you is as natural as being by myself. How could I get bored of you?"

"But that's exactly what I mean. People don't take off for weeks by their selves."

"Are you saying you don't want to go?" His tone dropped.

"Of course I want to go." I reached out across the table and he took his hand.

"Then stop worrying Bella. That's _my_ job. And finish these cereals already."

After we bought enough food to supply us for a month and filled several jerry cans with spare fuel, we kissed our worried parents goodbye, promising to call everyday and we hit the road.

The first hours we would travel the familiar road to Seattle. Although we've taken this road many times before, it felt different now. As if we were in a different country, free.

The last hours before departure, Edward's excitement had turned into nervousness, but now we finally got started, and now one of his favorite CD's was playing, he relaxed again.

We planned to park our camper somewhere around Lake Moses tonight. Which is a six hour drive away from Forks.

We paused in Seattle to have an early dinner in our favorite road restaurant. We also bought some snacks that were not available in Forks. After eating and stretching our legs, we got back on the road.

I chose the CD this time, picking something I know Edward likes too, and I sang along loudly, windows open, as we welcomed the new world we were about to discover.

Driving through the mountains with a camper had proved slower than expected. We didn't worry though. From time to time, Edward would pull over to admire the view. Trying to describe it to me. I can't really imagine what he's talking about, I was born blind, so colors are meaningless to me. But I let him explain anyway, and I enjoy his voice, which is far from meaningless to me.

It was nine when we reached our destiny. Two hours later than planned. But we didn't really have a schedule to follow, so neither of us minded. We took a short walk in the forest, stretching our backs and our muscles.

Back inside we ate the snacks we bought in Seattle and I could hear Edward yawn.

"Tired already?" I teased him, knowing all too well that he's had the tough job with the driving while I took a nap this afternoon.

"Yeah. I didn't sleep well last night. Guess I was nervous."

"The geek going on an adventure, I would be nervous too."

"Hey, stop calling me that. I'm not a geek. I'm just shy."

"The harder you try to convince me, the geekier you sound." I giggled.

"Whatever, Swan. I'm going to bed. Another long drive tomorrow."

"I'm sorry. It's just the first days right. I told you it was a bit too much."

"It's not too much. I wanted to get as far away from home as possible, fast. But I could do with a massage," he slyly added.

"Dream on. I'm tired too. Get out so I can change."

"Are you serious? Do I need to remind you of how many times I saw you naked?"

"No need, thank you. And that's… different. Now get out."

"Fine. But only because it's not raining."

I changed into my pajamas and tried to rearrange the table so the double bed could be unfolded, but it wouldn't quite work.

Edward came back in "let me help you with that."

"Hey, how did you know I was ready?"

He chuckled. "Forgot to close the curtains, Bella."

"You perv!" I shouted and grabbed a pillow to fling his way.

"I didn't look. Alright, maybe just a little."

At this I started hitting him with the pillow, but he easily blocked it with his arms above his head.

"Have mercy, I surrender, oh powerful Bella"

I stopped hitting him and lowered the pillow.

"Still think you're a perv."

He stepped behind me and pulled me close against his chest "That's how you like me, baby."

I pushed my elbow in his chest, playfully. "Now be a good boy and help me with this bed."

He sighed and released me, before he started explaining.

"You lift the table like this, the way you started to, and hold it into place with this." He took my hand and let me feel the handles on the side.

"Then there's another handle at the back of the couch, here, and if you pull that, it unfolds. Blankets are underneath."

"Thanks."

I crawled into the bed and took the far end. On the few times that Edward spent the night at my house, or I at his, he told me that he needed to be closest to the door. To protect me.

I took my cell from the cupboard and called up Charlie, number two on the speed dial, to let him know we arrived safely. In the mean time Edward stripped to his boxers and got into bed as well. I ended the call and picked number three on speed dial, letting Esme and Carlisle know we were fine, and handing the phone over to him so he could confirm.

I was on my side, waiting for him to finish. I'm sure he's rolling his eyes by now, repeating 'yes, mother' over and over.

When he was finally able to hang up, he groaned. "I hope it won't be like this every time."

"It's just the first day. Gotta give them some time."

"They better get used to it. In two months I'll be gone."

I sighed and he lifted his hand to cup my cheek.

"I know," he simply said.

And then he got another idea. He shifted closer to me and pulled me closer as well.

"How about we baptize this camper?" He didn't really give me a chance to answer as he immediately went for the kill, lips on my neck.

I pushed his chest gently.

"I don't think that's a good idea. If we start off like this the first night, we'll be doing it every night."

"I like where this is going."

"Edward… I want this trip to be about the friendship and not about the benefits."

He sighed, releasing me from his embrace and rolling on his back.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

And then he muttered under his breath "Should have packed unsexy pajamas then."

"This is an unsexy pajama, Edward."

"No it's not. Jeez woman. Can't wait to see your sexy ones then."

"Haven't got those."

"When was your birthday again?"

"Wouldn't wear 'em anyway. Don't have anybody to wear it for."

"How about for me?"

"You are jumping me as it is already. I'm gonna need to sleep in a chastity belt."

"Oh milady, can I be your knight?"

"Goodnight Edward."

"Night Bella."

He turned on his side and fell asleep immediately. That's a gift I am jealous of.

I lay awake thinking about our benefits thing.

Sex with Edward is great. Amazing even. And probably the only sex I'm going to get. Ever.

While he can have whomever he wants. If he weren't so shy.

Despite these things, it's usually me who's keeping him off. Teasing him and calling him a perv if he comes on to me.

Even though he really isn't. I am convinced he didn't really look while I was undressing either.

I don't know why I hold back.

Although everybody keeps saying that friends with benefits is a recipe for disaster, none of it ever felt awkward with him.

We were as close as we have been before it started, no more and no less.

But I guess there's always the memory of seven years back, that makes me hold out. Edward had been in love with me when he was ten. And it had lasted two years.

It never stopped us from being friends either back then. I wasn't interested in a boyfriend, and he just said that he didn't mind. He would love me from a distance. It was really adorable, he would give me presents with valentine and all.

And then he grew out of it. Started liking other girls. Which was for the best. I teased him about it sometimes, of course, but he hasn't felt anything of the sort in the last six years.

Still, I'm scared sometimes. That we're getting too close. That he'll fall for me again.

I can't let that happen. I never saw him that way.

It's not like we never talked about it. We sometimes mesmerized how much easier it would be if we could just fall in love with each other. What more can a person want, than to grow old with their best friend?

But you can't force love. And having a best friend like him, without boyfriend, is pretty awesome too.

* * *

**AN: Let's get it started! Please tell me what you feel, or what you think will change this summer... We'll see who get's it right ;-)**


	4. Day 4 Interstate

**Day 4: Interstate**

**EPOV**

I woke up too early. I can't really sleep well in a unfamiliar bed, although I think I fell asleep soon enough yesterday. But then again, I was really tired.

I didn't get anything with Bella tonight. I hadn't really expected her to give in, and I didn't want to come over as pushy.

But I would need a solution for my needs. Now she was still asleep, I took a walk outside to go pee and then decided to rub one out.

I usually masturbate daily. Before going to bed.

I don't like to sneak around, and I definitely don't like being frustrated, so tonight I'm going to talk to Bella about it. We can talk about everything, she'll understand. She might even be glad that I don't plan on jumping her every night.

I really don't understand why girls need less sex than boys. Nature should be reprogrammed. It's not fair.

After I got back in, I checked the time. Seven.

Too early to wake her. We agreed to have breakfast around nine.

We had a long drive ahead of us, so I sat behind the wheel, put on some light music and got on the road again. Today I would need more breaks, my muscles were already protesting.

From time to time, I turned around to the back, but Bella was still sound asleep. I swear sometimes she's deaf as well. My sleeping beauty.

Only after more than two hours she stirred. I had already grabbed some biscuits to ease my growling stomach. She looked startled and confused.

"You're in the camper, Bella. I got on the road and decided to let you sleep in."

"Really?" she mumbled, and wobbled her way to the front, to sit next to me. "Where are we?"

"Right now, my dear, we have just entered Idaho."

"We're out of the state and you didn't wake me?"

"You're awake now, and we're still in Idaho. Take a good look around."

"Jerk," she laughed. "Pull over, let me sniff the air."

I scrolled down the windows and the cool air entered the cabin.

"How's the sky?"

"Blue. Want to have breakfast outside?" We brought a foldable table and seats along, to really grasp that camping feeling.

"Sure. Let me get dressed first."

She undressed in the back of the camper, and I refrained from looking in the rearview mirror.

I know her body inside out, but still the sight of naked Bella is something… entrancing. I have wondered sometimes if this feeling is not some definition of love, but it's not. Her answer is that it's just physical attraction, nothing more.

Second question, how come I am physically attracted, very much so, to a person I can't see myself being with, someone that is not my type. Of course Bella again has got an answer: someone's type is not just a specification of looks.

It's true. And I think she can be right on this one.

Even though I like her inner beauty as well, she intimidates me sometimes. I like to feel strong and hero-like around a girl, but her self confidence and her teasing make that impossible. I want to be the strong one in a relationship. I guess she just knows me too well.

"Guess who" she suddenly said, placing her warm hands over my eyes.

I almost shrieked and hit the breaks "Geez Bella, I'm driving!" But before my sentence was finished, her hands were removed again.

She jumped in the seat next to me, laughing at my reaction. Maybe I squealed a little bit. "You are crazy, you know that? You could have gotten us killed. And what have I told you about sneaking up on me like that…" I shook my head, taking deep breaths. She's gonna be the death of me.

"I was just making sure you weren't checking me out in the mirror," she said innocently.

"You should know better."

"I do. So how about some breakfast, I'm starving!"

I pulled over and parked the camper in a spot surrounded with grass. On second thought it was still somewhat chilly outside, so we just cleared the bed and opened the table to eat our cereals inside.

The remainder of the day was pretty much spent like yesterday. Driving with open windows, singing along with our CD.

Around noon we entered Montana, we had our lunch outside somewhere in the Clearwater Forest, and reached our destiny around six.

Bella cooked dinner, we informed our parents about this, and then played some games until we both changed and got into bed early, talking about the good old days.

"Remember that party at Tyler's? We played spin the bottle and I had to kiss Mike. Yuk."

"Oh you faker, you liked him."

"So did not. Okay, I wanted it to land on him, but I was sorry afterwards."

"At least your face was cleaned. How old were we then?"

"Fourteen something. And you were almost raped by Jessica, remember that?"

"How could I not? I am scarred for life."

"Yeah, the school geek assaulted by the school slut."

"Hey!"

"What? She _was_ a slut!"

I poked her, but I knew she was right. I was a geek.

Still am probably. Not the typical librarian boy, with glasses and clothes that don't fit anymore. But I am kind of antisocial, a shy music freak. If it weren't for Bella dragging me to all sorts of places, I would probably be completely deprived of human contact. One should expect things to be the other way around, but I stopped having prejudices about impaired people a long time ago.

"Remember that night, afterwards?" I said, serious again.

"Of course I remember, that was the whole point right?"

* * *

_I crawled into my sleeping bag. _

_The girls had just taken off to their bedroom, and now the boys were bragging a bit about their kissing during spin the bottle and how much tongue had been involved. In my case there had been way too much involved, Jessica was all hands, tongue and teeth. _

_Most of the boys were dozing off, because a fair amount of beer had been snuck in and none of us fourteen year olds was used to that. _

_When the door creaked open, I wasn't surprised to see Bella tiptoeing inside. She quietly waited by the door for me to come get her. We silently make our way towards my sleeping bag and crawled inside together. We did this many times before, camping in our backyards. It was getting a little too narrow to contain both of us, and our parents didn't approve now she was developing breasts, but we still did anyway. _

_I didn't see the big deal, girls and breasts never really got my interest. She let me see them once, and touch them, and sure they were nice and soft, but that's about it. I wasn't going in a frenzy for them, like the other boys of my age._

_We heard the others snoring and started whispering our reports of our first kiss._

"_Did you have chocolate cake on your face or something, he just licked you like a dog."_

"_So not funny, Cullen. It was gross. And to say I was so glad the bottle landed on him. Does this licking mean he likes me?"_

"_Do you still care after_ that_?"_

"_I don't know. How was yours?"_

"_Didn't you hear?" _

_She lightly chuckled. "I could hear the girls making gagging noises, but I thought they were just jealous. A lot of them wanted the bottle to stop on them."_

"_That's not true." No girl has ever shown any interest of the sort in me. My concept of what a pretty boy I am mainly still comes from grandma's pinching my cheek._

"_Yes it is. They're still talking about it in the other room."_

"_Anyway, the gagging you heard must have been me choking."_

"_What did she do?"_

"_I don't know. She was groping me and trying to get to my tonsils with her tongue."_

"_Where is this world going when girls start groping boys now?"_

"_It's no good place, that's for sure. Did Mike try something on you?" I had my eyes on him, but maybe he had been sneaky enough._

"_No. Thank god. I think he wanted it to be someone else, because he turned us first, so that his skills could be observed. By Jessica I suppose."_

"_They would make a great couple. Kissing wise."_

"_So you didn't like yours either."_

"_I wouldn't even call it a kiss. I'm surprised I didn't end up bleeding."_

"_She bit you?"_

"_Yeah. My lip and my tongue. In the heat of the moment." I chortled._

"_Poor you. So far for first kisses. This is not how I imagined it to be."_

"_You imagined your first kiss?" She never told me._

"_Um… Sort of. You never thought about it?"_

"_Can't say I have. How did you imagine it then?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Come on, you do know. It had to be Mike, right?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_And how then?"_

"_Less wet I guess."_

"_Did you imagine it with tongue?"_

"_Yeah." I can visualize her cheeks blushing furiously now, but it's too dark in here to see. _

"_So isn't that supposed to be wet then?"_

"_Well, wet inside the mouth is no big deal, just not on the rest of my face, I can wash myself just fine."_

"_You reckon there's something wrong with me for not caring about all that stuff?"_

"_Nah. You're a boy. You are supposed to get behind."_

"_Wow, thanks." _

"_But don't worry. If what I've heard is true, you'll soon be ahead of me."_

"_Phew."_

"_I wish I didn't play along with the game."_

"_Why? So we had an awful kiss, can only get better after this."_

"_But it was my first kiss. And this will forever be etched into my memory as my first kiss."_

"_Memories are changeable. Pretend it never happened, and consider your next one the first."_

"_It might be horrible as well."_

"_Well, if you expect all kisses to be horrible, why bother?" Girls can make things so complicated sometimes._

"_You have to help me."_

"_How?"_

"_You know now how I want a kiss to be. So you do it, and then I pretend that was the first. Doesn't that make sense, that the first kiss is shared between best friends?"_

"_You didn't tell me how you want the kiss to be. Less wet is kind of vague."_

"_If I give you more details, will you do it?"_

"_Sure, if it's that important to you."_

"_So… Let's see… I want the kiss to be soft at first, no tongue, only lips. No groping. And then, slowly, the lips have to part and there might be some tongue. Only inside the mouths and no wild movements. But you don't have to do the tongue part, just the lips is fine."_

"_I can do that. Now?"_

"_Yes. Better get it over with."_

_She had high expectations, but I wasn't worried, anything would be better than what Mike had done to her earlier. _

_I leaned closer and brushed her lips with mine. She wanted to kiss me back, but our noses bumped and we nervously giggled. Okay, so maybe I was just pretending this wasn't a big deal. I was creating an important memory for my best friend. It's kind of a big deal. For her. _

_I moved my hand to the back of her head, tilting it lightly, and kissed her on the lips. I didn't move, but she started to place soft kisses on my lips. This felt nice, so I did the same. _

_She had told me I didn't need to do the tongue thing, but she had hinted that she wanted that, and I wanted to do this right. _

_I opened my lips a bit, but before I could decide on how to proceed this, her tongue licked my parted lips. It wasn't gross. It was kinda sweet. _

_I tentatively licked the tip of her tongue. I think I did something right, because she moved closer and her tongue entered my mouth. It was really strange to have a foreign tongue into my mouth, strange but nice. I remembered that she didn't want any wild movements, so I simply kept stroking my tongue around hers until she pulled back. _

_She gave me a few more pecks on the lips and then lay her head back on my pillow. I wish I could see her face now. _

"_Did I do it right?" I whispered, concerned._

"_Yes," she sighed. I grinned pleased._

"_I kinda liked it too."_

"_I could tell. Thank you. That was better than I imagined it."_

"_Oh well. You know me, the expert," __I answered smugly. I didn't really mean that, I had just let her take the lead, so naturally she liked it. _

"_Now all I have to do is to forget about that other one."_

"_I'll do as well. Jessica's assault doesn't count as a kiss, neither does Mike's face cleaning, so I guess this was both our first kiss, technically."_

"_You're right. Thank you."_

"_And you."_

* * *

"You were so innocent back then," she teased me.

"So were you." I tried to sound insulted.

"Oh no, not in my head. You were the one with only pure thoughts."

"You had impure thoughts during that kiss?"

"No, but I did about Mike. I guess you stopped being innocent shortly after that too."

"Yeah, you were right, I got ahead of you soon enough."

"And you did so quite convincingly."

"Those were the days," I said dreamily.

"Yup, whoring around, such fun we had."

"That's not what I meant. Back in the days, all we wanted was to grow up as fast as we could, get away from our parents. But right now, I wouldn't mind having a couple more years of high school ahead of me."

"Me neither," she answered. I knew she hated that I would leave Forks.

I didn't. I only hated leaving _her_. We grew silent. And sad.

"Can I hold you tonight?"

"No funny businesses, Cullen."

"Promise."

She nestled against my chest and I wrapped my arm around her, staring up at the ceiling.

Without talking, we both knew that we were thinking about the same thing. About the end of an era. Edward and Bella as we know them. We told each other that it wouldn't change anything between us, that no matter how often we see each other, we would still feel the same.

But we both feared anyway.

* * *

**AN: I just _had_ to write the first kiss flashback. Did you like it?**


	5. Day 5 Yellowstone

**Day 5: Yellowstone**

**BPOV**

"Hey, stop humping me."

"Huh?"

He didn't just play innocent. He really was half unconscious.

I pushed his hips away from mine.

As soon as he understood what I was doing, or rather what he was doing, he sat up on the bed.

"Sorry Bella." He breathed in deeply.

"Just ask first, okay," I joked.

"Oh yeah? Gonna say yes then?" I heard him turn around to look at me.

I groaned.

"We haven't even opened our eyes yet. What's gotten into you, Cullen? You're usually not this horny."

"Yes I am. I just…" he didn't finish.

"Just what?"

"I am used to take care of it," he said, softly.

"Oh."

"Never mind," he said, stood up and opened the door "I need to pee, I'll be right back."

Why is it that men prefer taking a leek outside over a proper toilet?

He didn't return immediately and I assumed that he was 'taking care of it', as he called it. I got dressed and decided to cook him some breakfast. I felt a little guilty that I made fun of his feelings. After all, he is an eighteen year old boy, so waking up horny is probably very normal.

He climbed back in after a good ten minutes, sniffing the smell of pancakes.

"God, woman, marry me," he joked and pulled me against him. Despite his shy nature, he is quite the affectionate hugger. Always had been. I turned around and wrapped my arms around him.

His body felt cold. I guess it was chilly outside. I rubbed his back and he hummed against me as he was warming up against my body.

"Need some help?" he asked as he released me. He looked at my face and then smirked "didn't think so," before he began to change his clothes and create some eating space.

"Where to today?" I asked, knowing our schedule all too well.

"Cutting through Yellowstone Park. 250 miles of forest. Feel like hiking today?"

"Sure. I'm game for everything."

He could have made a comment here, but he didn't. Guess he was taken care of.

After devouring the pancakes, we got into the front seats again, and hit the road. This wasn't an interstate anymore, we were traveling the US191 through the forest and our large camper had to ease the speed a bit.

Edward enjoyed the forest, and frankly so did I. He tried to explain to me the views and I listened to his happy voice.

At two third of our day trip we passed by the West Thumb Geysers Basin and there we paused for a couple of hours. We had planned to visit the basin and the mud pots, but today was a beautiful sunshiny day, despite the chilly start, and the area was filled with tourists. The location of the basin near the highway made for this.

I know how Edward hates busy places and I wanted some rest too, so we decided to skip the basin, and go swimming in the lake instead.

We left the highway and drove to a secluded spot, where we could park right by the water. We changed into our bathing suits and carefully waded with our feet through the water. We were pleasantly surprised by the mild temperature, being used to the cold seawater at First Beach. As we got deeper into it however, it got much colder, so we decided to just walk along the shoreline, hand in hand, talking about nothing in particular.

We stayed there for a long time, having a picnic in the shade on the shore.

We played and bantered a bit, but we also spent a lot of time in silence.

Laying on our backs, me relishing in the heat of the sun on my skin, him looking up at the sky and pointing out the shapes of the clouds for me from time to time.

I was slowly dozing off, when I felt Edward crawling closer to me, snaking his arm over my stomach and resting his head against my shoulder.

"What's the matter, Edward? You seem insecure lately."

He was more affectionate than ever, and I had the feeling he was struggling with something. Much like I was struggling with his departure.

"I'm not insecure. I guess I'm just lonely. Is it okay if I hold you?"

"Of course," I answered, moving my head a bit in his direction, so my cheek rested against his hair.

Edward was lonely.

He used to have plenty of girlfriends when we were younger, but this year, his appetite, as we call it, had calmed down a bit. I teased him that he has had a taste of all bites in Forks, and that he was ready to scan new horizons. New territories.

It is sometimes hard to figure how a guy as shy and held back as Edward manages to get all the girls he wants. They say it's his good looks and his lack of interest in them that spikes their interest in him.

I know he must be good looking, I see a face by feeling it and his is kind of perfect, but I can't really understand how people can be attracted to pretty faces. Beauty is a very important concept in this society, but I don't get it. Sometimes I'm even offended when a person tells me I'm pretty. Makes me feel like some empty shell. Like they really didn't know what else was good about me, so they just gave me a meaningless compliment.

Edward has told me to be a little more graceful about this. Mostly when somebody tells someone they're beautiful, they really mean 'I like you and I want to say something nice that will make you happy'. So I learned to smile and say thank you.

"Does that make you sad?" he suddenly asked.

"Does what?"

"That I am lonely."

He absently traced his fingertips around my belly button "I don't mean anything bad by it. You know I love you and your company. And even this vacation, today… It couldn't have been better if I had shared this with a girlfriend. But just sometimes…"

"It's normal to want more than friendship in life, Edward."

Although I wish it wasn't true. If I had to make a wish, it would be that Edward was perfectly happy without girlfriend for the rest of his life. I am terrified that some jealous girl is going to take him away. I've seen it happen with others, even when people swear it never will. I know it's a selfish wish. But not entirely, because I wish for his happiness, right?

"I don't know. I'm only eighteen, too young to settle down, that's not what I want, I think. But for instance, right now, I feel like I have it all, and then all of the sudden… I feel empty."

He didn't mean to hurt me, but somehow it did. I never felt empty. Not around him.

"I guess that does make me sad."

"I'm sorry. Don't you ever want a boyfriend? You used to. I remember you crying nights and nights in a row when some coward has lead you on only to decide he wasn't up for anything more. But lately, you never fall in love anymore."

"I guess I've just given up hope…"

"Oh Bella don't say that. You just pick the wrong guys."

"Yeah, like the ones that are nice to me."

"This is high school. Boys are pigs. And so, so stupid. It will change. Once you get to know some more mature boys. They'll see what's right in front of them."

"I don't know if I even want a boyfriend."

"Sure you do."

"What could I want from a boyfriend, that I can't get from you? You give me friendship, fun, affection, and even intimacy and sex."

He was silent and his fingers stopped making patterns.

"You can't use me as an excuse for being scared Bella. You know I can't give you everything you deserve."

"Well, right now, I'm pretty happy. So this has nothing to do with how scared I am or am not," I said, in a more defensive tone.

"Don't be mad. I know I'm not the one to talk. I know I have been running from relationships when they get more serious and that it's pretty hypocrite of me to say now that I'm lonely. But I can admit I'm scared. And I don't see anything wrong with that."

"What are you afraid of?"

"That, I don't know yet. Maybe you can tell me. I know what you're afraid of."

"Yeah? Tell me."

"No. I don't think you want to hear it. And I can feel you getting angry with me already."

I sat up and wrapped my arms around my knees, leaving him laying on the grass.

He sat up too and rested his cheek against my back.

"Let's make us some food."

"I'm not hungry," I whispered.

"Hey Bells, are you crying? I'm sorry." he quickly moved in front of me, on his knees, to wipe the tears away. "I'm sorry. It's okay to be afraid. I would be too. Boys can be jerks. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know. It's just scary sometimes how you know the things I can't even talk about."

"Scary? You used to love that about me. Are you afraid of me getting too close now?"

"Sometimes."

He sighed. I think that must have hurt him. He hates it when I hold back in our friendship.

He was silent for a while and then stood up to get back into the camper. I waited a few minutes, drying up my face and feeling guilty already.

I found my way back and climbed in as well. I could hear his breath from the back, he was on one of the couches, so I went over there and crawled against his chest.

"I'm sorry Edward. You know how I get. I don't think you are too close. Well, obviously you are way too close, but I don't mind, honestly. And when I say that sometimes I do, I mean that I am afraid to hurt you."

"So it's still about that fifth grade crush."

"No. I just don't want you to fall for me."

"You know I won't Bella. If we were compatible, we would have been together for ages. And none of this conversation would be relevant."

"Things can change."

"Not likely. And I would tell you if they did. Remember our promise?"

We swore to each other, once the benefits started, that we would honestly tell the other if our escapades started meaning more than they did back then.

"I remember."

"This promise still stands, right? And nothing's changed for you too?"

"Exactly."

"So you've got no reason to push me away?"

"No."

He held me closer against him, softly rubbing my back. He hates it when I cry, especially when it happens after something he said. He never really hurts me, it's always the truth that hurts me. And he knows me too well.

"Tell me what I am afraid of," I whispered. Might as well get it over with. He thought for a while, carefully choosing his words.

"You are afraid that the image that everybody holds of you, the outgoing spontaneous girl, is a fake. And that a boy falling for you, if given the change, will see right through it. That he will fall for the Bella with the mask, and then dump the real Bella."

My breath choked a little, but I didn't let the tears out. He was so right.

"You're wrong, you know," he added. "The way you act around everybody else, that is the real Bella. It's just the confidence you show that isn't real. But the funny easygoing girl is in there. And if given the chance, any boy should see what an amazing person you are. That doesn't mean that some of them can't be the biggest losers ever and still be able to dump you. But that wouldn't be the end of the world."

He knows me even better than I know myself.

"The fact remains, why would I risk it, if I already have everything I want?"

"You don't have everything. Don't you long for the tingle in your stomach that tells you you're in love? To hear someone's laughter and feeling weak in the knees because you know you made them laugh? To kiss somebody in every possible way? Because that's what I want..."

"Yeah, I guess I do too. But not right now. I'm not in love with anybody right now, and I don't really miss it. It kinda sucks that you do."

"Hmmm. It's not that bad. I just had a little emotional moment back there, think I'm just tired. I'm fine. Today was really wonderful."

"I think so too."

"What do you say we make some dinner and then hit the road again? I'll cook for you."

"Sure. And then I'll drive."

He playfully nudged me, noticing how both suggestions implied the same kind of danger. I kissed him on his cheek, silently thanking him for being my friend and got up from the couch to grab some food from the fridge to prepare.

We drove the remaining hours in playful mode and when we went to bed, we still were. Neither of us ready for another serious conversation.

Right before we said our goodnights, he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on my forehead, and squeezed my shoulder. A gesture that said 'I'm here for you'.

That is the beauty about Edward, he always knows exactly what to say or what to do, even if the truth hurts and he always knows what I need.

* * *

**AN: Some deep conversation...**


	6. Day 6 Rock Springs

**Day 6: Rock Springs**

**EPOV**

Today was relaxed. She was up first, and I woke up to the smell of toast.

Her smile told me she was thankful for yesterday. I don't really know what I've done. All I did was trying to get her to forget about the sad feeling I put on her with our talk by the lake. Of course she's never angry, she only feels like I told her the truth, but sometimes, nobody is helped by the truth. She was right.

As she's not in love with anybody right now, the lecture about her being afraid to let a boy get closer was a little out of place. It was actually meant for me too. I see that now.

I'm the one who is afraid to let girls in, scared that they will grow tired of my pretty face and see what a geek in disguise I am. Lauren didn't grow tired of me, but I made sure to run before she could. Me and her spent two months of wild sex, and I am talking several times a day, without even living together, but she wanted to talk more and more. Get to know me. Can't have that.

And that's how I got my reputations of being a player, a heartless Casanova.

We had an elaborate breakfast and then drove all the way up to Rock Springs, our destiny of the day. The forest had made place for a wide nothingness. I loved it, fields and sand, for as far as I could see. We hardly passed any other cars.

Once arrived in the town, we refilled our fuel and our fridge. And our stomachs as well with a late sandwich lunch. I let her choose what we would be doing the rest of the day. This trip was mainly a bliss for the eye, as we passed by some of the most beautiful places of the states. Bella loves nature too, but the hours we spent driving were more monotonous for her than for me.

She opted to go swimming in the town swimming pool, craving a real shower, and having dinner in a real restaurant.

Swimming was really relaxing. There was one moment, where a fat old guy shouted at Bella to watch out, when she didn't immediately removed herself from his lane when he drifted by. I was instantly furious, but Bella, she just smiled. Happy to be treated like a seeing person. She sometimes hates the egg shells people walk on around her. So in a way, this man just made her day.

Afterwards, she spent half an hour enjoying the shower, a habit she performs daily at home, and I just enjoyed watching her. Careful to keep my thoughts pure, as I was still wearing only swimming trunks. I know it doesn't mean anything to her, but she is absolutely stunning. Not just her face or her body, but her entire being. The way she rinses her hair and is showing a sweet smile. I swear, she can get _any_ boy she wants.

After this swim, we were both starving and we got inside the first restaurant we passed by. We had a lot of fun during dinner, coming up with the idea to compose a song about our road trip, and thinking of hilarious lyrics. We laughed out loud until our drinks almost came out of our noses. We probably bugged the waiters a bit, but we left them a nice tip and didn't care about the opinions of everybody else.

After leaving the restaurant we walked along the sidewalk, arm in arm. I know we must look like a couple to most people, but somehow, that made it even better. I should be proud to ever calling someone like her mine.

"I guess we should have stuck with eating in diners, instead of wanted to be all high class," she giggled, a little tipsy from the wine we had. Whereas most people tend to get clumsy when drunk, Bella loses some of her inhibitions and looks even more graceful than usual. Even someone who knows she's blind would have a hard time believing it, as they saw us walking on the street, happy and laughing.

"Yeah, suppose we won't be going back to that one." I guided the way back to the parking lot where we left our camper.

"Oh, I've got an idea," she suddenly exclaimed, jumping in front of me and making me stop "take me dancing!"

I groaned. I know I told her she could decide on what to do the rest of the day, but dancing?

"Come on Bells, you should know better."

"Please? I really feel like dancing."

"That's because you're drunk. And you'll just end up sleeping with the bartender again."

She laughed out loud and I smiled along, putting my arm around her and picking up the pace again.

"I'm not drunk. Okay, maybe a little tipsy. You think I'll embarrass you?"

"Yeah, like you didn't totally embarrass me in the restaurant. You know I hate these crowded loud pub-like-things."

"Please please pretty please?"

She tried to do the puppy face pout with me, but her tipsy state made the face just looking funny.

"I've got another proposal. We drive the camper somewhere far away from any civilization, put on some music and then make our own disco."

"You'll dance with me then?"

"Sure. And I'll let you pick all the music. Now what pub can top that?"

"Alright. You're on. And don't think I'm this drunk that I'll forget your promise to dance with me."

"Damn."

Rock Springs is a really isolated village, and so we didn't have to drive far to reach the end of the inhabited world. Although we both had the same amounts of alcohol and the same level of liquor habituation, she was far more affected than me. This could be fun.

I grabbed us some beers as she rummaged through our many CD's. She chose some of her favorite party music and started jumping and dancing in the grass in front of the camper. Totally at ease with me seeing her like this. We used to have these jumping sessions in my room many times before. And I took the pose I usually took, the amused spectator. I sat down on the entrance step and drank my beer, my eyes on her hips that were swaying to the beat.

"Hey Edward" she drawled "time to keep your promise." She held our her hand for me.

"Not yet Bella."

"Come on, nobody can see us here. It doesn't matter that you completely suck at it."

"Gee, thanks."

"I'm kidding, you're a great dancer. I really don't see how a person so musical can be so opposed to dancing. Get your ass over here."

"I'm too sober to dance."

"No you're not. No more excuses." She came my way, turning her hips on the music and I knew I would have no other choice so I put down the empty can and stood up.

"That's a good boy," she smiled and pulled me against her.

She wasn't party dancing anymore, she was dancing slow and sensual. Although the music was still fast. Her knee pushed itself between my legs and she got closer even. Still swaying her hips and grinding her entire body against me.

My hands were at her waist and my eyes were closed, both of us moving along in the dark. Right now, I could vividly imagine me being inside of her, as she was almost humping me.

I was throbbing in my pants, but I refrained from groaning, and kept her close, flush against me. She always gets more willing when she had a few drinks, but I avoid taking advantage of that. Although tonight it would be pretty much impossible to keep my hands off of her.

She was no longer dancing to the music, just squirming under my hands and rubbing her core over my thigh. Moaning slightly.

"Bella baby, are you trying to kill me?" I croaked.

"No," she giggled "I'm trying to seduce you. But I guess it's not working if I end up killing you in the process."

"No, it's um…" I gulped "… working."

"Yeah?" she asked seductively and then softly bit her bottom lip. That was my undoing.

I moved in for the kill. My hips started rolling against hers, creating more friction between her legs, and my mouth was latched to her neck, placing open mouthed kisses on her sensitive skin. She moaned loudly, equally shameless.

"Oh Bella, I want you so bad. Please tell me you're not just torturing me for your fun," I whispered against her ear.

I could hear her breath stutter, but her hips didn't falter. I was now painfully hard.

"I want you too, don't stop…" She referred to the movements my hips ware making against hers, my thigh between her legs.

"Can I touch you?" my hands were having a will of their own and it became hard to control them.

Instead of answering, she simply lifted her shirt above her head in one swift movement and pressed herself to me again. She couldn't suppress a shiver as the cold air rushed over her skin and I stepped back to lead her inside, under the covers. We were no longer dancing and we both knew where this was going. She protested at the loss of contact and followed me inside. Although I think sex with sober Bella is more special than sex with tipsy Bella, this uninhibited woman in front of me has me captivated.

We quickly removed the rest of our clothes and struggled to unfold the bed. Once under the covers, my hand made it's way to the place where she wanted it. Or so I thought. Instead she held my wrist, stopping my arm from moving down more.

"I want you inside of me. Now." And to prove her words, she started pulling me on top of her.

I agreed. I wanted to be inside of her now too. I entered her in one slow movement, both of us groaning. Our hips began moving in sync much as they had when we were 'dancing' outside. The music was still playing somewhere in the background, overshadowed by the noises that came from our throats.

I know that Bella can't reach an orgasm from penetration alone, so I leaned on one side a bit, while my hand moved between our bodies to add some manual stimulation. Again she stopped me, telling me with a staggered breath that she doesn't care if she comes or not, she just wants to feel me and she wants me to let go.

That was not a first. She explained to me once that sex for her without reaching orgasm can also be very satisfying, just the sensation of being filled. I was a little relieved that tonight was such a night, because after sleeping in the same bed for several nights, I won't last long. I trusted into her with low grunts and enjoyed her little cries and whimpers.

"I'm so close Bella," I breathed in her neck, and she grabbed my ass and pushed her hips up with high speed and force. I froze, tensed up and she continued her crazed movements until I exploded inside of her, whispering her name.

I pulled back and removed my weight from her, both of us on our backs, panting, sweating. We didn't speak.

As soon as I was recovered slightly, I turned on my side, watching her blushing cheeks. My hand moved to her center and I slowly started rubbing her, eliciting an immediate response. She was still very much turned on. I picked up the pace and the pressure, knowing how to bring her there, and I rubbed her until my arm was killing me and she finally reached her climax.

She's a tough one to please, but the result is very, very rewarding.

"God Edward, you are so fucking unbelievably amazing." she panted, emphasizing every syllable.

I grinned, widely, almost more pleased with this than with my own release, while I used my left hand to massage my still burning arm.

"Now tell me again why you need that stupid once a week rule," I teased her, nuzzling her neck.

"To make it as special as this every time," she simply answered, and she had a point.

"Will you sleep like this tonight? Without PJ's?"

"Right now, I would do just about anything for you," she said, her breath slowly recovering.

What I _really_ wanted was to have another round. I was good to go again. Seeing, hearing and feeling Bella come can make me rock hard any time. That's why I need to remember getting her off first. Because once a week implies no second rounds. I had to wait another week now.

But she was right. The waiting made it special, and she was very much worth it.

I covered us both and wrapped her limb body in my arms, both of sighing happily and soon falling asleep.

* * *

**AN: At last the camper is 'baptized' ;-) Please let me know what you think about this boy and girl...**


	7. Day 7 Pleasant

**Day 7: Pleasant**

**BPOV**

Today we planned to drive to Salt Lake City and have lunch there. Not in a restaurant, but in a diner, meant for travelers like ourselves. We would then drive the remaining two hours up into the mountains and park somewhere around mount Pleasant.

I woke up bright and shiny, happy to have no aftereffects of the alcohol that was consumed. I really didn't have that much. During breakfast and the driving, of course Edward still had to tease me with it.

He was in a happy mood too. As usually after getting some.

"Might I remind you, mister, that you had more drinks than I did?"

"Sure Bella, but I was nowhere near as drunk as you were."

"I wasn't drunk."

"You don't have to be ashamed, baby, I kinda like you that way."

"Yeah, I bet you do." I huffed and crossed my arms.

Our relationship was never affected by the mind blowing sex we shared, but I was always a little shy afterwards, and he was always teasing me. The world upside down.

"You liked it too, admit it."

Like. Now that's an understatement.

I looked away from him to hide my cheeks.

"You're cute when you're blushing."

"Eyes on the road, Cullen."

"Please Bella, tell me you liked it." I could hear in his voice that he was smiling.

"Yes, I liked it, alright? Now stop teasing me."

He chuckled "I still don't get it Bella. How you can be so completely trusting and open about everything, even sex, but when talking about you having an orgasm, you are shy all of the sudden. It's adorable, but I don't get it."

"It's kind of intimate, isn't it?"

"Yes, but many things we talk about are intimate, like sexual fantasies, or any kind of hope, dream or fear."

"I think letting go to reach a climax is more intimate than anything else. It doesn't happen that easily."

"Tell me about it! I might need an arm massage today."

I hid my face in my hands now, mumbling "I'm sorry, you didn't have to."

"Don't worry Bells. That experience is so worth the effort, I'd do it again right now, if you would let me."

"Please Edward, can we talk about something else?"

"No." I shoved his sides and he chortled.

"Can I ask you something?" he said.

I merely groaned, knowing he would ask anyway.

"Does it take that much effort for you too?"

"What? To get you off?"

"No, to get yourself off. Or is it something I do wrong?"

"I told you before Edward. You're not doing anything wrong. You're doing everything right. Trust me."

"It shouldn't be this hard. With other girls… it's easier. Sometimes I don't even have to try."

This conversation was starting to irk me slightly. He noticed.

"Don't get me wrong, like I said, it's worth. I just wonder if it's just as hard for you."

"We had this conversation before, Edward," I whined.

"That was three years ago. You were a virgin then. Sure things must have changed a lot since then."

*****

_We were both lying on my bed, side to side, on our backs. It was way passed bedtime, but dad was at the station. The window was kept open, in case he should return and Edward had to make an escape. His parents were more laid back and gave him all the freedom he wanted. They thought all he did was sneak into my room, but in fact he let himself get seduced by every girl that made a move and then snuck into my room for a report afterwards. _

_I didn't mind. His stories were always exciting, it was like having a sex life of my own. I wasn't jealous of what he had. Only a little bit worried sometimes. I used to be the more popular one, and he the shy one, but I haven't gotten any further than those two kisses at Tyler's party. And that's almost two years ago. While Edward has gotten him a reputation of skillful lover and heartbreaker, even though he was still very much underage. _

_He too figured things would be the other way around when we were growing up, me the girl with plenty of boyfriends and him the inexperienced one. We joked about it sometimes. Guess boys are okay with admiring my beauty from afar, but don't want to get involved with a blind girl after all. _

_Tonight he was telling me about this senior girl Daisy, who had screamed so hard during orgasm that he had burst into laughter, earning him a slap in the face._

"_I swear I can see the shape of her hand on my cheek."_

"_I think she was kind of right. I wouldn't appreciate it either."_

"_You had to be there to believe this Bella. She was screaming as if I was killing her."_

"_Maybe you were."_

"_I certainly was not. She begged me to do what I did. I can't help it I'm that good."_

_I just shook my head. I know all too well this arrogant attitude of his is just an act. _

_I believe that he's good, all his conquests would agree, but he's just that good because he tries very hard to make up for all he lacks, such as actual commitment towards these girls. Daisy one day will notice too, that he never calls her, or initiates contact, and that this amazing sex is all there is to their relationship. And she should have known. His other conquests are proof of that too._

"_Tell me Bella, do you scream?" he asked teasingly. _

_I wasn't startled at his directness, he always tries to surprise me with personal questions. Mostly these questions address my feelings for boys of our class._

"_I wouldn't know, now, would I?" _

"_Like you never had an orgasm before. I don't buy it."_

_I grew red all of the sudden. I could feel his eyes on me and he slowly turned on his side._

"_You've got to be kidding me. Are you serious?"_

"_About what? All I said is that I can't know if I scream if some toy boy gets me off."_

"_That's not what you meant. You meant that you can't know, period."_

"_Well, that's not a crime is it." Defensive again._

"_No, of course not. So you never masturbate?"_

"_Define masturbate." Even saying the word was hard for me. A girl with a big mouth without taboos. Except for this one._

"_Come on Bells, you know you can trust me. I come here every day telling you in great detail about everything I do."_

"_Not about masturbating."_

"_Okay fine. I'll tell you. I jerk off every day before going to sleep. There." _

_I gasped for breath at his revelation of something so personal._

"_Are you shocked?"_

"_Well, I don't know. Shocked that you should tell me."_

"_I tell you everything. You want me to stop doing that?"_

"_No. I like that you trust me. Hmmm. I guess I am kinda shocked about the rest as well. Every day?"_

"_What can I say? I'm sixteen. I'm healthy. So how about you? Ever masturbate?"_

"_Um. Sort of. I told you to define your question better."_

"_Owkay." he said carefully "do you touch yourself? Down there?"_

"_Um. With my hands you mean?"_

"_Sure."_

"_No." _

"_With something else?"_

_I sighed. The guessing game wasn't making me feel more comfortable either. He was right, he told me everything and we were best friends, it's only fair that he gets to know some secrets of mine as well. No matter how insignificant compared to his exciting life. He wanted to know._

"_Alright, here goes." I said, and I turned to lay on my stomach, hiding my face in my pillow and blurting out "In the shower, I spray myself, down there, because it feels nice. But I don't come, I think. I tried touching myself with my hands, but that doesn't work for me and afterwards I feel gross, so I don't do it anymore. So technically, I don't think I masturbate."_

_He was silent for a few seconds._

"_You spray yourself in the shower. That is so hot."_

"_Edward," I groaned._

"_What? It is! I suppose you won't show me, would you?"_

"_No!"_

"_Damn. So that feels nice, huh?"_

"_Yes."_

"_How nice?"_

"_Very."_

"_Hmmm. Thanks for the tip," he smirked and I groaned again._

"_You can never ever tell anyone, promise."_

"_Of course not, Bella, what do you hold me for? You're not telling my secrets to anyone, are you?"_

"_No."_

"_Good. How often do you do that? With the shower?"_

"_Not that often. Once a month? Maybe twice."_

"_And why don't you come?"_

"_I don't know. I just don't."_

"_But you say it feels very nice. So eventually, you should."_

"_Maybe I do without noticing. How would I know?"_

"_Strange," he said, thoughtfully. "Man, I think I would go crazy, you must be like a time bomb filled with sexual energy."_

"_Not really. I guess I don't understand what the big deal is."_

"_Maybe you should buy a toy, like this famous rabbit thing."_

"_Edward, please, those are not meant for virgins."_

"_I don't know. Never seen one."_

"_Me neither." _

*****

"What makes you think us having sex would change the situation?" I lifted my feet on the seat, hugging my knees.

"I don't know. I have this feeling you are now more in touch with your sexual side."

"Yeah. I guess I am. But I'm sure I'm not the only woman in the world that's having trouble getting an orgasm."

"Of course not. I didn't say that. For all I know, you might be able to come time and time again if you were with someone you love."

"I'm not counting on it."

"Maybe this toy thing I suggested back then isn't such a bad idea. I've seen it in action, I've even used it and those things can do miracles."

"Can we please let it go?" I rested my head on my knees, hiding my cheeks.

He reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling me a bit closer towards him. I wasn't in my comfort zone and he tried to put me at ease.

"For what it's worth, dear Bella, you were absolutely amazing, and I was kidding about my arm. I think it's only natural that I have to work to earn your surrender. Makes it all the more special. So thank you for letting me."

I smiled weakly. "You're welcome."

After this, he let it go. Finally.

I know he only wants to help, but he really doesn't understand that this whole orgasm thing is not that important to me. Boys can't imagine that. He believes that I am secretly eternally frustrated, but I'm not. I have this amazing sex from time to time, and that's enough for me.

We proceeded our day as planned and arrived at our destiny around five. We made our own dinner and sat outside the camper until long after sunset. It had been a hot day and during twilight, the temperature was perfect. Edward got out his guitar and he sang for me. This was my favorite way to pass the time, letting my senses get filled up by his music and his voice.

I could spend hours like this, either piano music or guitar, as long as it was Edward singing for me. He told me he actually never sings alone anymore. It's no fun when he can't watch my face as I drift off to a beautiful place. This would probably the thing I will miss the most when he leaves. We can talk to each other every day and see each other regularly – his parents promised me to provide traveling means as a gift for Edward – but the music, I would have to do without.

When I told him, he said that we would take the time when we got back to Forks to record as much as we could and that he would keep recording and sending me his voice. That would have to do.

* * *

**AN: Awkward sex talk...**

**I see a lot of story alerts, but not much reviews. How are you liking the story so far? Let me know, okay? **


	8. Day 8 Canyon

**Day 8: Canyon**

**EPOV**

We had a long day ahead of us. Unfortunately we stayed up too late yesterday, singing songs in the summer night air. Well, mainly just me singing and her smiling.

As soon as I opened my eyes, I saw that we needed to get moving. I had a six hour drive planned and then we would take a tour in Glen Canyon, a less touristic version of the Gran Canyon, equally beautiful as far as internet pictures go.

I let Bella sleep in, grabbed a pack of biscuits and got behind the wheel.

After an hour, I was joined by Bella, also chewing on the biscuits and yawning. I was a little sick of the driving every day, my back was hurting and the view was monotonous today. Only two more days, I told myself. Tomorrow we would be in Vegas, and the day after in LA, where we would stay in a hotel for almost a week.

I decided I wanted our driving to be over with for today, so I drove six hours straight, all the way up to Big Water, the town near Glen Canyon where we wanted to camp. Bella noticed that I was bored, and she kept bringing me food and distracting me with car games. It didn't really help, but I appreciated her effort and was in a good mood anyway.

The one who did manage to distract me was Lauren. I was really surprised to see her number on the screen of my phone. I didn't pick it up.

"Who was it? Why didn't you answer?"

"Lauren. I'll call voice mail later to find out what she wants."

I expected my text alert tone but instead she called again. I wondered what she wanted.

"Want me to go to the back so you can talk? Or park?"

"I'll call her back later if it's important. I don't want to lose time."

However, when she called a third time, Bella ordered me to answer, and she disappeared in the back, resting on the bed that was still unfolded because we hadn't eaten on the table today. She was probably pretending to be asleep, to give me some privacy.

"Hello?"

"Edward?"

"Yes, I'm on hands free. Driving."

"How is your road trip? Where are you?" she tried to sound enthusiastic, but I knew that's not why she called. She was never the chatty kind of girl. I wouldn't have lasted two months if she was. In any way, it was nice hearing her voice again.

"In Utah, a couple of miles from Arizona."

"Waw." she was silent for a few seconds "Can Bella hear me?"

"She's sleeping," I answered. She could be.

"Oh." and silence again. Sure she had something to tell me if she kept calling until I picked up the phone.

"Why did you call?"

"I just wanted to hear you. I miss you."

"Lauren, look…"

"I know you broke it off, but you see, I've been thinking. I've had plenty of time now the finals are over. So hear me out okay?"

"Okay."

"When you broke up with me, you told me you just didn't love me. But I don't really believe you. You don't spend months making love to somebody – several times a day – if you don't care for them. You can have anyone you want, and still you wanted me time and time again. So I think you do love me, and that you had different reasons to run."

I opened my mouth but didn't know what to say. So she continued.

"If it's about you going to college, I can live with that. Our relationship would be different, but different doesn't necessarily mean bad. If it's about Bella, I know you're best friends, and I don't want to get in between. Have I ever as much as made a jealous comment about how close you are?"

"No." That's true. She's probably the first girl that tried to like Bella, even though everybody can see we are very very close. Too close.

"I give you all the freedom you need, Edward. What have you got to lose? Can't you give me another chance?"

I stayed silent.

"Tell me this, you were in love with me, correct?"

"Yes."

"We never even had a fight, we got along great, I never got on your nerves, correct?"

"Yes."

"We had some crazy hot sex, and you were very satisfied with me, correct?"

"Yes."

"So what's the worst that could happen if we got back together? I really miss you."

"I miss you too." I said softly, and I surprised myself. I meant it.

"So what do you say?"

"Um. I'll think about it, and we'll see when I get back."

"Is this your way to get rid of me? Let me down easy? Because you sure didn't bother last time."

"Hey honey, you can call me a coward, or a bastard, but I'm no liar. I never told you anything that wasn't true."

And that was the truth. I didn't make her promises. And the months we were together, I never even touched Bella. One could say that I was satisfied enough to even consider it.

"You're right. Anyway… It's really good hearing you Edward."

"Likewise."

"So can I call you tomorrow?"

"I'll call you, okay? I'm driving a lot."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

After the phone call, Bella didn't come back out front. I guess she really did fall asleep after our short night.

Soon enough, we reached our destiny, but I let her sleep some more, crawling onto the bed against her.

When she woke up, we had dinner outside, another hot day, and then changed into our hiking clothes. We walked for about two hours at Glen Canyon, me ecstatic about the magnificent views and her enjoying my joy. It was really sweet that she wanted to go through all this trouble, just to do me a favor. She doesn't feel as if she's missing out on something, she hears the waterfalls and breathes in the nature, delighting in the sun on her skin. We both were getting some tan, even though a lot of time is spent inside the camper. We would make up for that next week, in LA.

And her generosity still wasn't over. When we got into bed, she offered to give me a back massage, because she felt guilty that I had to take all the driving on me. She shouldn't feel guilty, but I never let a chance like this pass me by, so I quickly threw myself on the bed, arms lifted above my head and eyes closed in anticipation. Bella is a natural at this.

When I lay there enjoying her masterful fingers on my back, kneading my muscles, my thoughts drifted off towards Lauren. I think I have missed her, and she surprised me by her insightful summary of my concerns. She knew I cared for her, and that I was scared. And she asked me the big question. What have I got to lose? My pride? Some self esteem? Is what she has to offer not worth the risk? And I don't mean just the sex, although with her, that is definitely a valid argument, that girl has a massive libido. She is right when she says that she gave me enough freedom, never whined when I wanted to just hang out with Bella, never made a jealous remark when at a party I was tailing Bella like a good dog. She was different than all the other girls I've gone out with. Should I give her another chance?

I sighed deeply and moaned a little as Bella was giving my muscles a little more pressure. I was putty under her hands. She rubbed my back for almost an hour, until I was floating somewhere in blissful laziness. I wanted to reciprocate, but she reclined, telling me to go to sleep. Another long day ahead of us.

I didn't protest, making a mental note to give her a massage tomorrow. After all, she was stuck in a car seat as much as I was.

I was asleep even before I could finish that thought.

* * *

**AN: So how about this Lauren girl? Is Edward ready for an actual girlfriend?**


	9. Day 9 Vegas

**AN: For all of you who are just wondering: "why aren't they together already?"  
I'm sorry, this is not that kind of story where Bella and Edward hit it off at the start and have this bunch of fluffy time.  
****Here they are friends. Something more might come from this trip, but it might not. If you want to know, please be patient, and try to enjoy the story along the way and appreciate the deep connection these two people share. Which is what this story is all about...**

* * *

**Day 9: Vegas**

**BPOV**

He was right and I hate it when that happens, although I should know by now that Edward always is right. Right about me wanting to beg him to change the one week rule.

We had our breakfast and were now on the road towards Las Vegas. We could have taken a different route than yesterday, through the mountains, but it would take us over an hour extra and his aching back was not entirely cured by my hands.

I was thinking about that back rub and what it had done to me. Remembering how my hands had slid over his oiled skin and how I wanted to let them slide to different places all over his body. I don't think he would have minded, he never rejects any of my advances, but we made a rule and we made it for a reason. He had known before we left, that during this trip, the rule would backfire against us, but I wasn't ready to admit it.

Nonetheless, if he had as much as hinted that he wanted something more yesterday, I would have given in. I was horny and I wanted him. Still do.

I think on any other day, he would have started something, or at least tried to. It wouldn't be the first time that an innocent massage somehow turned into foreplay. But yesterday he was simply dead beat. As soon as I told him to go to sleep – he sweetly suggested to reciprocate, with a voice that told me he was half asleep already – he dozed off immediately. So I got undressed and got under the covers with him, fantasizing about a different ending to the massage. An ending in which he slowly turned around, asking me to rub his front as well, all of it.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" he awoke me from my reverie.

"Huh? What makes you think I'm thinking about something?" I answered, and I'm sure my too fast response and glowing cheeks gave away enough.

"Because you always sing along with this song."

"Oh."

"Tell me," he said, and I could hear that he was smirking, ready to tease me. So I thought I'd shock him and be honest.

"I was thinking about how I wanted to turn your back rub yesterday into a hand job."

His foot on the gas pedal faltered, before he recovered from my answer.

"Fuck Bella, are you serious? Where you thinking that?"

"I swear." I grinned, only a little shy.

"I don't suppose that's an offer?"

"Nope. Just an answer to a question."

"Damn. So why didn't you? Yesterday I mean."

"The rules."

"Jeez, those stupid rules. I told you to forget about them this trip."

"You were too tired anyway."

"Oh never too tired for that baby."

"Well actually, what I had in mind only started as a hand job, and you might have been too tired for the rest of the plans."

I know I was evil, but if I was suffering from a horny mood, I thought I'd torment him somewhat as well.

"How many days to go?"

His question was vague, but I knew what he meant.

"Three, at least."

"We'll never last. Especially not if you tell me stuff like that at ten in the morning."

"Hey, you asked."

"You really want to keep that rule? Cause Bella, if you're horny I can take care of that right now if you like. I'm hard for you."

Hearing him say that made my belly twist and turn and I took a ragged breath.

"The rule was there for a reason," I said with an unsteady voice. I know I must sound very unconvincing.

"So? We pick it up when we get back."

"No. Let's keep it. Waiting makes it more special, remember."

He sighed defeated. Maybe if he had pushed a little harder, he might have gotten lucky, but he never really pushed me and I guess that's a good thing. Mostly.

"Alright. But next time you pull a stunt like that on me, you are so in trouble."

I chuckled, and blushed. Instead of continuing my little fantasies, or my torment on his self control, I grabbed the bag with CD's, searching inside for some music I can put on really loud to get distracted.

We were both in a good mood and blasted our music all the way up to Vegas. We had dinner in a local place and grabbed a couple of flyers to choose our activity of the night. We decided to attend to some sort of Broadway show and then visit one of those famous casinos.

We still had an hour left to chill in our camper. Edward had an idea.

"Can you handle a back rub? Or will you end up jumping me? Either way, you're getting one and I'm hoping for the last."

"Edward, I thought we agreed?" I said in a fake disapproving tone, a small smile on my lips.

"So? Think you're safe now?"

"I trust you." I said, and he groaned, because when I generously gave him my trust like that, it meant that he couldn't try anything.

"Sure Bella. Now lose the clothes and lay down."

"Turn around" I said, and undressed to my panties before I lay on my stomach. I'm not _really_ crazy about getting massages, but right now I just wanted his hands on my body.

He proved me right, I could trust him. He didn't make a move on me. But he was clever and I was on to him.

Whenever his hands slid up the back of my legs, his fingers moved a little too high, brushing ever so lightly against my panties, and when he rubbed my back and my sides with his palms, he fingers caressed the sides of my breasts. And somewhere in the back of my head, I kept hearing what he said to me earlier 'I'm hard for you'. Damn how I wanted him.

Three more days. I'll live right?

Just as I thought this, his fingers stroked my inner thigh again, and softly traced the edge of my panties. That's not what I call a massage, but I let him continue anyway.

When a soft moan escaped, I could hear him chuckle behind me.

"That's it for today, time for Las Vegas by Night."

I grumbled as I sat up, but didn't protest. I purposefully didn't cover my chest, pointing my hardened nipples directly at him and I could hear him gulp.

Two can play this game.

The Broadway show was spectacular, famous songs and an excited audience. What more can I need?

After that, we went to a casino and we even gave gambling a try. I won fifty dollar with a slot machine, but we lost it all again with roulette. Mostly we just strolled around and made a little fun of the real gamblers. Ladies in cocktail dresses trying to impress the other ladies, gentleman throwing money around, trying to impress other ladies as well.

We wandered around the city, amazed by the buzz that never stops. In Forks the streets are always empty, especially after dark. Even Edward, who usually despises busy places, was impressed with the big city, in a positive way. We aimlessly roamed around until our feet couldn't bear us anymore, and when we got back to the camper, we were knocked out even before we could change into PJ's.

* * *

**AN: Who thinks they won't last three more days? Raise your hand :)**


	10. Day 10 Mexico

**Day 10: Mexico**

**EPOV**

Yesterday was wonderful. Torturous but wonderful. And the torment wasn't over yet. Two more days.

Usually, Bella is not the one with a high libido. I usually get her in the mood when I need some. Sometimes she comes on to me, but never more than once a week. And now… I knew this sleeping together would end up killing us. Or at least end up in us breaking the rule.

That stupid _stupid_ rule.

I chose not to bring it up again, because if I would notice how horny she was, I would lose control. For sure.

Instead we dug up a lame Mexican CD and played it, to get into the right vacation mood. Today we would cross the border of the county, just to be able to tell everybody when we got back that we drove all the way up to Mexico. And we would eat Mexican food and enjoy some Mexican fiesta.

It was a long drive before we got there, and the Vegas night had worn us out, so in the afternoon, Bella dozed off in her seat. I poked her awake.

"Hey, you really got this Mexican thing down, huh?"

"What?" she mumbled.

"Having a siesta."

"I'm sorry." She sat up a little straighter, committed to stay awake now.

"It's okay, go lay down on the bed instead."

"I'm fine. I'll stay up. You can't sleep either."

"I'm okay, Bella. Go. If you end up sleeping here, you'll need another massage later. And we won't survive that."

She smiled "No, guess not."

She stood up and went to the back.

"Good girl."

While she was sleeping, I couldn't help but wonder about Lauren. I had no idea what to do here. A year ago, I would have declined without a doubt. I never got back together with an ex before. But I never felt lonely before, like I had more often this year. Maybe I was ready for a real girlfriend.

If I had to be honest, Bella was one of the reasons why I was opposed to having one. We both feared that boyfriends and girlfriends would change our friendship. They would demand our time and be jealous of our bond. Lauren did neither of those. I guess she needs freedom as well, I never asked her what she did the hours we weren't together. And she never felt compelled to enlighten me.

When I called her yesterday, she sounded relieved. We didn't talk about second chances, we just chatted away. It wasn't a long talk, but it made me feel good. Perhaps I was growing up, I thought with some sarcasm. I didn't call her today, because now I was scared of my own doubts, but I promised myself to do so tomorrow. If I would chicken out, she had the right to know.

Tonight, me and Bella went all Mexican, over the top. We ate tortillas and drank tequila, we went to local craft market and bought us both sombreros. We danced on mariachi music and drank even more tequila.

We were really proud of ourselves and our Mexican night when we got into bed, joking in our best drunken style Spanish.

When our laughter grew silent I watched her face and I softly brushed some strands of hair behind her ear. She sighed and closed her eyes.

"Two more days," I said.

"Two more days," she confirmed.

"Poor girl." My resolution to not bring up any sexual stuff was gone with the booze.

"Why poor me?"

"Because I can take care of myself."

"You have? I mean, today?"

"Sure."

"When? We've been together the entire day."

"I don't need long honey. And I can assure we haven't been together _all_ day."

"So in the bathroom then? This morning?"

"And afternoon."

"Twice?"

"Can you blame me? After yesterday?"

"Guess not," she smirked.

"So that's why I say poor girl, because you can't, you know? I wish you would let me help you."

"Edward…" she moaned.

"Wasn't the rule just meant for sex? If I can get you off, that doesn't count, right?"

"I believe manual stimulation falls under sex as well. As does oral, 'cause I can hear your brain work."

I groaned.

"I don't get it Bella, if we both want it, why the fucking rule?"

"Because we actually _shouldn't_ both want it. We're friends. Does it never bother you?"

"No. I think I'm the luckiest bastard alive."

"Yeah, me too. But still…"

"Remember that first time I tried to help you? I was so full of myself. You got me right back with my feet on the ground."

* * *

_She came over to my place, my parents were out of town, and Charlie was working late. Now we were sixteen, she wasn't allowed to sleep over anymore, so she had to be back home by ten, but it was only seven. We put on some music, after devouring the home delivered pizza, and lay back on the bed. Somehow I was bragging again, about how I had made Tamara come three times yesterday. I just couldn't get enough of the powerful feeling it gave me, making a girl shudder under my mouth or fingers. _

"_I'm sorry, Bella. You probably think I mutated in some kind of man-whore."_

"_No, that's fine. It's fun hearing you brag. I always thought you lacked self confidence. Now you have too much, it's a nice change."_

"_I don't have too much. I am still to meet the first woman I can't get off," I answered smugly._

_At this her face fell and I could just hit myself._

"_I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't mean to…"_

"_Don't Edward. You know I don't care for that. Tell me more about Tamara."_

_I could tell she was lying, I know my friend._

"_You do care."_

"_Alright. Maybe a little. But I'm not frustrated or anything. I guess I only want to know what the big fuss is about."_

"_I think you're just not doing it right."_

"_Oh hear the expert. Maybe you were just lucky enough to get some easy chicks. They probably even faked it," she spat._

"_Hey Bella. That's not nice." I was hurt by her bitchy remark._

"_I'm sorry. I'm sure they wouldn't." I never even thought about that. Maybe they did fake. Some were unnaturally fast. Or loud._

_I stayed silent and she reached over to place her hand on my face. She does that when she wants to 'see' how I feel._

"_I'm sorry Edward. I know they didn't fake, I can hear them talking in the girls bathroom. I just got defensive."_

"_You don't have to be defensive, I didn't mean anything bad by it. I think you just don't love yourself enough to find out what you really like or to be patient enough."_

"_Hmmm."_

"_I could teach you." _

"_Is this a way of getting into my pants, Cullen?" she joked, not taking me seriously. This was an indecent proposal, why should she take me seriously?_

"_Not necessarily. I can just explain all different things I've tried, with success, and then you can try them at night."_

"_I don't think so."_

"_Or I could show you. I can be really patient, Bella."_

"_Edward, don't say things like that. Friends don't do such things."_

"_So what? We're different. I just want to help you out. You can pretend I'm somebody else, and nobody ever has to know."_

_I was serious about this. But I never imagined her to give in. When she didn't answer my arguments, I saw a crack in her resolution._

"_Please let me try? I promise I'll stop as soon as you're uncomfortable."_

"_I'm uncomfortable now."_

"_No, you're not. You're interested."_

"_What if I still can't come?" So is that a yes?_

"_You said so yourself, it doesn't matter. We are just going to find out what sort of things you like. So you get to know your body better."_

"_And what do you get out of it?"_

"_If I can teach you how to get off, I don't have to feel guilty for talking about my incredible success all the time. I promise I want nothing in return."_

"_So this is just about your guilt?"_

"_Well, yes and no. You're my best friend. I think sex is the best thing there is, and I want you to have that. If not yet with a boy, than by yourself."_

"_I don't know Edward. It would be too awkward."_

"_Come on, you want to. Even if it's just to wipe the smugness right out of me, because you don't believe I can do it."_

"_You're right, I don't."_

_I knew she would keep having an answer to every argument I threw her way, so I decided a different strategy. I let my hand slide over her waist, her hip, down her leg to her knee, and then upwards again over het inner thigh. I stopped my hand between her legs, cupping her center through her jeans. She didn't push me away, so I knew she wanted it. I slowly put a little pressure on my hand and rubbed her center with my palm, back and forth. She closed her eyes and sighed, defeated._

"_We've crossed the line here, Bella, better make the best out of this then," I whispered in her ear, and sat up to remove her jeans and panties._

_I covered us both with a blanket, so she didn't have to feel exposed and I gently opened her knees so my hand could reach her. I figured oral stimulation would be a bridge too far, this is a girl that feels yucky after touching herself. She would not be able to enjoy if she wasn't relaxed, so I started really slow, just stroking her thighs and her hips and her center. _

"_How does that feel?"_

"_Feels good," she whispered. It's only just a start, girl._

_I leaned back to get some massage oil out of my night stand. Maybe that was the problem in the first place. If we were in for a long rub, I can't have her become too dry and sore. _

_It appeared that it wasn't the problem at all. Even after thirty minutes of stroking, teasing, rubbing and pumping, she was still soaking wet. _

_I was painfully hard, but tried to focus on her. It wasn't really necessary to concentrate, she liked about everything I did. I tried all kinds of different moves, soft and hard, fast and slow, deep massage,… She loved all of it, moaning and whimpering, moving her hips against my hand. She was steadily building, but never did I get the feeling that she was close. Every time after a period of louder whimpers and cries, in which I thought if I could keep up exactly what I was doing she would get there, the tension ebbed away again. _

_And then I would try something different, again rewarded with an ecstatic response, and again it faded. _

_My arm was hurting bad, I tried to switch positions to reach her from a different angle._

_And after the longest time she panted, hardly understandable "Stop, I can't take it anymore. This is too much."_

"_Am I hurting you?" I asked her worriedly, pulling back my hand. _

"_No. God no. I just… it's too good, I can't handle it." _

"_But you're not there yet… You didn't come." My heart sank._

"_I don't know. Maybe I did, I did feel some things."_

"_Believe me Bella, you didn't. You would notice if you did, and so would I."_

"_Well, I don't mind, I loved it." She took deep breaths to ease the panting, and I lay back on the pillow, staring up at the ceiling and feeling like a total loser._

_After a while, she recovered and lay on her side, resting her head on my shoulder._

"_Thank you," she whispered._

_I just snorted._

* * *

"I clearly remember different things than you do, about that day," she stated.

"Like what?"

"Like you blew me away. And that I wished I was able to do that to myself. Even without release, that was the best feeling I ever experienced."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I told you that too afterwards, several times if I remember correctly."

"I know. I was just sulking with a bruised ego."

"You know how it feels to not let yourself climax just yet, the pleasure gets you higher and higher."

"Yes, but if I don't come in the end, I just end up really frustrated. And it's not worth it."

"Boys and girls are different. That week, I was on a high for days. Now what orgasm can do that?"

"You were probably just horny for days, after that."

"No matter how you call it, I liked it. So you sulked over nothing. Good thing you got rid of that competitive urge now."

"I didn't. I just believe you now when you say it was good. And I let it go."

"That's a start. At least you have tons of screaming girls to repair your ego. Lauren in the first place. Are you two getting back together?"

We haven't talked about Lauren these days. We talk about everything, but I usually take my time processing things first before I discuss them with Bella. If I take too long, she asks me about it, like now. But she never pushes.

"Maybe. Still considering."

"Okay. Buenas noches, mi amigo."

"Dulces suenos, mi amiga."

"Yeah, sweet dreams to you too."

* * *

**AN: Who are you liking best so far? Edward or Bella?**


	11. Day 11 City of Angels

**Day 11: City of Angels**

**BPOV**

I looked forward to our arrival in LA. Not because of the city, but because of the hotel. I'm not a luxury addict, but being confined in a camper for over a week is kind of tiring. I looked forward to having a bathroom with an actual bath, to be able to walk about as much as I want, and especially to some sunshine on my skin.

We would stay in the hotel for almost a week. It was actually more of a business hotel at Long Beach, but Carlisle managed to get us a discount there, so we didn't complain. There is a beach, there is sun and there is a pool. Who needs loud tourists anyway?

I'm sure Edward doesn't. He was perfectly fine with living in the camper, if it were up to him, we skipped the hotel, and stayed with our vehicle. Although the daily drive was slowly wearing him out as well. We did underestimate that part. Six hours on the road each day is one fourth of the time. We thought it was no big deal, but it's almost a full time job. A job he was not used to. He looked forward to lazing by the pool as well.

Once we arrived at the hotel, we threw our luggage in the room and had a large meal. We grabbed every kind of flyer at the reception and then got back to our room to check it out in detail. I immediately got into the bathroom to feel the size of the bath. Edward loved our large balcony, which meant that we could sit in the sun without getting into the crowd. We opened the minibar and grabbed a cold beer. We were like kids on Christmas morning. The bed was a double king size and really soft. I threw myself on it, alongside Edward, and he read the flyers out loud to me.

There's plenty to do in LA, but we also have plenty of time. I have this feeling we wouldn't stay up late today. I was already opposed to leaving this soft mattress again. We had no idea what to choose, so we opted for a quick scan of the hotel facilities and surroundings and maybe hang in the hotel lounge.

But first I wanted a long, nice, hot bath. In the mean time Edward would go to the lobby, where there's free internet, to mail our friends and family and tell them we arrived safely.

When I got out of the bathroom, feeling positively drowsy, wrapped up in huge fluffy hotel towels, I lay down on the bed. Edward scooted closer and gave me the second ear of his iPod he had been listening to while he was waiting.

I didn't really feel like getting out again, but if Edward wanted to, I would get dressed without moping. I have had my heavenly bath. He could have some fun as well.

I wouldn't suggest going though, maybe if we lay like this long enough, he would get sleepy too and want to stay in as well.

We were quiet for a long time, listening to some music we hadn't heard in a while.

Until Edward sighed.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Nothing." In that tone, it always means something.

"Edward…"

"What do you want to do for the rest of the day?"

"Nothing," I imitated him, and he nudged me with his elbow.

"Fine, we'll stay here," he said, expecting me to object.

"I'm actually okay with that. I'm pretty tired, but if you want to go somewhere…"

"No."

We were silent again, but I could tell that he was brooding over something.

Suddenly he said "you know what I _really_ want to do?"

"Tell me."

"I want to kill that stupid rule, rip all those towels off of you and fuck you all night long."

I gasped.

"I really do," he added in a whisper.

I reached over to place my hand on his face, but instead he took it and put it on his erection, to prove his words. I gulped.

"Is that why you are so quiet?" I asked.

"It's difficult, you know, sleeping close to you every night. And I know you feel that it's wrong for me to want you that bad, but I can't help it."

"I want you too." I meant it to be comforting, but I know it came out wrong.

"So you keep saying, Bella. Or hinting or whatever. But if you really felt the same way as me, you would have made an exception to our rules a long time ago. And I hate how I sound right now, like I'm pushing you with emotional blackmail. Dammit!" he said, and sat up on the edge of the bed. Angry with himself.

"I didn't know it was so hard. I thought we were just teasing each other the previous days."

"We were Bella. But knowing that you want it too makes it impossible to understand why we aren't doing it already. We're both free, who cares that friends aren't supposed to have sex? We are great together in bed."

He was right. Of course he was, Edward is always right. Why was it that I clung to that stupid rule? I know it wasn't because of the rule itself, I'm kind of rebellious and rules are made to be broken. But I was so scared to ruin our friendship, scared that one of us will end up getting hurt.

On the other hand, who cares about rational arguments and fears, when all you can think of is this boy, this hot and amazing boy, who just told me he wants to fuck me all night long?

"I'm sorry Bella. I really hate myself for sounding like this right now. Let's go do something extremely tiring."

"Don't be sorry, and don't hate yourself. You sound as if someone has been teasing you a little too much, so it's my fault. And there's only one way to make it better."

"Which is?"

"Which is me showing you that I really do feel the same way."

"Are you saying…?" he sounded hopeful.

"I'm saying fuck the rule. And fuck me. Please." I smirked.

In an instant he was turned around and tugging on the towel. He stopped his movements "Are you sure, Bella?"

"God yes," I answered, and to prove it, I loosened the towel and threw it next to the bed.

He almost growled when he attacked me.

And even more than the prospect of getting some, I relished in the feeling of being wanted by someone. By someone who can have anybody he aims for. Right now, he wanted me. So bad that he was going crazy.

I smiled and then let go, digging my nails into his back, begging for him to enter me and fill me up like only he ever has. Maybe even like only he ever will.

He tried not to let go. To give me more time to enjoy. But I liked him so much better when he did let go.

So somehow it became a battle. Him fighting to hold back, while still filling me, thrust after thrust, and me bucking my hips against him, driving him towards the edge. He lost, of course. Nature always takes over. And when he gave in, I savored his groans even more than I would enjoy my own release.

Of course he wouldn't be the amazing lover Edward Cullen, if he didn't want me to come as well. So he sat up next to me, once his heart had recovered, and used his magic fingers on me, until I shivered and squirmed. I knew better now how to get there with his help, I knew which muscles to tense up and how to move my hips, so before too long, I could feel the tingle inside. Somehow, he always recognizes and he pulled out his fingers and rubbed me with high speed, pushing me over the edge.

This time it was my turn to recover. Both of us in content blissfulness. Me on my back and him halfway on top of me, nuzzling my sweating neck.

"Bella," he whispered in my ear. I smiled. His pleading tone was funny sometimes.

"Yes Edward."

"Now you tossed the rule, what is stopping us from going for seconds?"

"You want to go again?"

"I would _love_ to go again. If you want to…"

"Did you really mean all night long?"

"Well, I meant it, but even Edward Cullen can't pull that off I think." He laughed.

"But I will last longer this time," he said, as if he needed to win me over with arguments. He had just brought me to heaven. He should know he can ask me about anything right now.

I bit my lower lip in anticipation and pulled him closer to me.

"I take that as a yes," he mumbled, and started kissing along my collar bone, towards my breast.

He was right, he did last longer. And apparently I come easier second time around. He had rolled us over so I was on top, riding him, urged on by his delicious moans and sighs. And when I suddenly came, without further stimulation, we were both very much surprised.

I couldn't hold myself up anymore, utterly spent, so he lifted his hips from the bed, grabbing my ass in both his hands, and he started pumping me at a fast speed, until he came as well.

And here I was, thinking I was in bliss after the first time.

We were too tired to even try to clean us up. Or to move away from each other. He had slipped out of me, but I was still on top of him, resting partly on my knees and partly on his chest, locked in this position by his arms around me.

We usually fucked, without the sweet aftersex cuddling. Just complementing each other and dressing again. Falling right back into the friends mode.

But tonight, I felt a glimpse of what it's like to have a boyfriend. Even if it was just Edward holding me.

It felt as if having a lover was supposed to feel this way, losing yourself during passionate sex and then holding each other while falling asleep. I didn't plan on letting him go again tonight. And apparently, neither did he.

We were one tired sticky mess, caring a little too much about each other, and neither giving a damn about the consequences of that.

Or about any broken rules.

* * *

**AN: Rules are made to be broken, right?**


	12. Day 12 Long Beach

**Day 12: Long Beach**

**EPOV**

The first day in Los Angeles had been a typical vacation day. We slept in late, still naked and tangled on the messy bed. We took a shower, separately, and went downstairs for a breakfast buffet. We decided to go for a walk through the touristic shopping street. We bought postcards for our friends and families at home, and some Californian souvenirs as well. Feeling the sun and breathing open air all day was wonderful. Back in our room, we took some drinks from the minibar and placed ourselves on the balcony to write our postcards.

After lunch I told her I would go check our mails again, to see if anyone answered and to browse for things to do, while she wanted to take a short nap. The internet was free anyway. I noticed several replies on my general mail yesterday. Most of them said pretty much the same "Good hearing from you, enjoy the rest of your trip".

There was a mail from Lauren as well. It was really sweet. She told me how she missed my green eyes, my voice whispering in her ear. That she longed for my strong arms again. How she sees me with Bella, protective of her, and that she wants that too, someone who cares so much about her. That she wished it could have been me and her.

Somehow, her email pushed all the right buttons. And I could remember why I fell for her in the first place, before I ran. She was a vulnerable girl, not afraid to show it. And somehow, her begging didn't irk me, it just illustrated to me that she was willing to go for her goals, even it meant setting aside her pride.

I mailed her back that somehow I missed her too, and I also wanted a girlfriend to care for and to protect, just like I seemed to be protecting Bella. Because I know that Bella really doesn't need my help.

She must have been online, because almost immediately I got a response. We mailed back and forth. Mostly sweet mails, but I wasn't giving in yet. I kept repeating to her that we would see when I got back. Somewhere in the back of my mind, there was this voice that said: if you get back together now, there will be no more benefits this vacation. It's low of me to think that way, so I didn't allow the thought to fully develop. But still I held back Lauren.

There were several mails passing, so every time I pressed 'send', I had another new one in my inbox. Until I suddenly realized I had been talking to Lauren for well over an hour and a half. Bella would certainly be up and wondering where I was. I didn't bring my cell with me, certain that I would only stay away for about fifteen minutes. I said goodbye to Lauren, and logged off, hurrying up the stairs towards our room.

Bella wasn't there. I was instantly worried. Until I found my cell on my pillow. It had a text message saying "I'm by the pool. See ya."

It wasn't an angry text, and she even used our 'see ya' joke. But I know my Bella. She hates to be dependent, and me going off without cell would certainly not have made her happy.

I imagined her with the blind cane, finding her way in the large hotel complex, which we didn't explore yesterday. Walking about, muttering about how much of a prick I am.

In fact, Bella can manage very well, and she's not afraid to ask any stranger to tell her where to find something. But still, I felt like it was my job to look after her.

I quickly closed the room and went to the pool. I sighed a breath of relief when I saw her on the side, sunbathing.

I made my way over to her and sat down, not knowing if she was asleep or not. I decided to talk anyway.

"I'm sorry Bella, I got carried away with the mails, I lost track of time."

"No big deal," she answered, poker faced.

Okay, so not sleeping and definitely pissed. She had the right to be though. I left her for almost two hours.

"Yes, it is a big deal. I'm really sorry. It was Lauren…"

"You don't owe me an explanation, Edward. We are two friends on a vacation, and we are free to go as we please. I'm not a crippled, and you're not my babysitter."

"I _do_ owe you, Bella. I told you I'd be right back and I wasn't. This has got nothing to do with who's babysitting who. You have the right to be mad at me."

"Fine. Then I'm mad."

"Okay." I said, and lay down next to her. I didn't bring anything with me, so I just lay fully clothed on the hard tiles.

I was really in agony. I hate it when I mess up and things get in between us. But I couldn't really tell her more than what I had said already. I would only piss her off more.

After a while, she sought my hand next to hers and intertwined our fingers, giving me a little squeeze and thereby letting me know that she wasn't cross anymore. Or at least tried not to be.

I know she can't really stay mad at me, and that I am so lucky that she cares so much for me.

"I'm very sorry Bella, it won't happen again."

"I don't mind you mailing her Edward, but I'd rather you tell me so I don't have to sit there waiting. And take your cell with you. I was worried sick."

"I know. But so you know, I don't want to spend my time mailing her, honestly. This is our vacation."

"Have you decided on getting back together?"

"We'll see when I'm home."

"That's what you tell her. But what do you think?"

"I think so, yes."

"Hmmm."

She was quiet after this. I know she doesn't really like Lauren. She has no reason to dislike her, as Lauren is the only ex that never bashed Bella out of jealousy. I didn't tell Bella this of course, because that would have to mean that I would tell her about the others who did.

When she had enough of laying in the sun, she got up and pulled a little dress over her head. She put the towel into her bag and unfolded her blind cane. This means she wouldn't let me guide her. She gets like that when she's pissed, wants to show me she doesn't need me. I know that she doesn't. It's always me needing her.

And so I followed her again like a punished dog, back to our room, where she disappeared into the bathroom, to rinse off the sunscreen.

I lay down on the bed, eyes closed, thinking of ways to make it up to her. But when she came out of the shower, she was all smiles. She had decided I was punished enough and she let it go. Just like that, no hard feelings.

That afternoon, we walked through Long Beach, without blind cane, and had dinner in an Asian restaurant at Rainbow Harbor. I told her a bit more about the mails, even though she wasn't really interested. But I felt like she needed to hear it, I wanted her to like Lauren. Somewhere I had this feeling that I would give Lauren a serious try, more than any of my other girlfriends. And I would need Bella's support on that.

After dinner, we walked back to the hotel, where we enjoyed the entertainment show that was up. It was called 'Grease' and was really funny. I was so relieved that everything was okay again between us. Later that night in bed, I didn't push my luck though. I gave her chaste kiss goodnight and closed my eyes.

"What? No fooling around?" She asked.

I turned towards her, a little surprised.

"I thought… Um... Yesterday…"

"Oh, _now_ you're sticking to the rule?"

"Well, yes. And the fight…"

"I'm not mad anymore. I told you."

"But… Do you want to?" I tried not to get my hopes up.

"Not really." she said in a mocking tone "just figured you would be all over me now we broke the rule anyway."

"Well, if you don't want to, that's okay. But about that rule… Do we really need it?"

"You agreed to it as well. We had our reasons."

"I know, back then it seemed reasonable too, but I couldn't have known you would become so addictive. And what does it mean anyway? Why seven days and not say three? Or ten?"

"I don't know. But you know what will happen without the rule."

"We'll end up banging all the time," I joked. But she responded seriously "Exactly."

"And care to explain why that is a bad thing?"

"Because," she paused "I don't want us to be about that. You know I love having sex with you, but I already think it's too big a part of what we are. If we do this now, have sex like every day, and then you get back together with Lauren once we're back, where does that leave us?"

"But Bella, you are so much more to me than that, don't you know? You're everything to me! This could be like all those other hobbies we obsessed about for a while. We spent all our time on one thing or another, and then after the obsession passed, we found something else to do. Simple as that."

"But sex is different Edward, you can't see that as a hobby."

"I sure can."

"Alright, maybe _you_ can. To me, it's more than that."

"It is? But Bella…"

"It's not what you think it meant. Just… Okay, let me think about how to explain." she contemplated for a while.

"Before you and your magic fingers came along, I was happy. I mean, content. I didn't need more. And then we got this benefits thing, and you gave me more than I ever had. But it's not mine to keep. I don't want to get as hooked up as you are on getting off. Because you're the only one that can make me come, and one day it will stop… This sounds really pathetic, doesn't it?"

"No, not at all. So you finally admit that a person needs to have a release once in a while?"

"Not yet. I don't need it, and I don't want to need it."

"But Bella, if I can make you come, there has to be a way for you to do it as well."

"I don't want to go there again. I know you only want to help, but I'm fine. I just want you to understand one of the reasons I need the rule and I can't give in every time I want you."

"Okay, I understand. But please, just tell me whenever you're not comfortable with it, for which ever reason, and don't hide behind a stupid out dated rule."

"Will you be okay with that? If we toss the rule but still only go at it about once a week."

"Sure. At least now I know it's only because I'm too addictive." I grinned, lightening up the mood.

"You told me I'm addictive too, so you should be scared as well."

"Bella, I'm a boy, if I get a chance to have sex with you, I'm not going to worry about emotional stuff and all."

"Right, I forgot, mistook you for a real person there." she stuck out her tongue at me and I responded by tickling her sides. I tickled relentlessly until she was kicking and screaming and begging me to stop.

At last the people in the adjoining room knocked on the wall for us to be more quiet.

"They can't handle our passion, honey," I said.

She laughed out loud, still panting.

* * *

**AN: Do you think things are already changing? Let me know...**


	13. Day 13 Shower

**Day 13: Shower**

**BPOV**

There was this nagging feeling. I couldn't quite name it. It wasn't a good one and I tried to push it away again. We were on vacation here, so no room for bad feelings, wherever they may come from.

We planned to go on a day trip tomorrow, visiting Hollywood. Today was filled by just chilling by the pool, stuffing ourselves in the restaurant, lazing in the sun, playing games on our balcony… It had everything a vacation needs.

Edward was happy, I could feel that. The hotel was in a calm area, with mostly calm visitors and his decision to give Lauren another try had made him happy as well. He was playful and affectionate. And that was a mood I loved. He hugged me close whenever he could and I convinced myself that I was happy as well. Whatever this bugging thing is, I wasn't going to let it ruin my day.

That evening, I tried to relax taking a hot shower. I'm addicted to long showers and here I never run out of hot water. It must have taken me a little too long, because the bathroom door opened and Edward stepped in.

"Hey Cullen, not finished yet, go!" I shouted over the sound of the water. I could hardly hear him chuckle, but he didn't leave.

After a few minutes, the curtains rustled and I could hear him stepping into the shower with me.

I covered my chest with my arms, starting "What do you think you are…"

But he just hushed me and turned me around, faced away from him. He pushed me a little forward until my hair was under the hot water.

"You seem tense. I'm washing your hair for you," he simply said, and I didn't protest.

I just leaned my head back and let him have his way. He added the shampoo and massaged my scalp. I didn't tell him that I already washed my hair. This felt too good to decline.

"What's the matter Bella, you seem off today."

"You noticed, huh?"

"Of course I noticed. Is it something I said?"

"No. I don't know what's wrong. I'm sure it's nothing. Don't worry, it will pass."

"Maybe some hormonal thing."

"Hmmm." Mostly he said such things to bug me, he knows how I hate that men always blame everything on women's hormones. But now Edward meant it well, he only wanted to give me an excuse to feel off.

"You know I love you right?" he asked.

I know he said this meaning well too, but somehow it made the nagging thing worse, so I didn't respond and he didn't press the matter either.

I just focused on his hands in my hair, rinsing it now, the hot water flowing over me. I softly moaned to let him know how good it felt. He took that as an encouragement and stepped forward. I could feel how much he liked washing my hair too, by a nudging against my but. And I leaned back against his chest. His arms wrapped around me and his hips moved ever so slowly, making his cock slide a little bit against my wet skin. He hummed in my ear and my insides tightened.

"This reminds me of our first time", he whispered.

"Me too."

****

_I was in the shower at home. We didn't have a curtain there, but the light switch was on the outside of the door, and even though I don't need it, I always switch it on, so dad knows when the coast is clear to come in. Today however, a very distracted person didn't notice the switch and just stormed in, looking for his toothbrush which he left there. Leaving his toothbrush would not be a good sign for dad, who for the first time left his sixteen year old daughter home alone for the weekend. _

_We only watched __- or in my case listened - to movies and ate popcorn, but dad believes all teen boys are the same, so not even Edward is allowed to stay over. And he was definitely not allowed to walk in on me in the shower. _

_I expected him to hurry out again, but he remained frozen, totally quiet. I didn't bother covering up, he has seen me already and I don't have hands enough to cover up everything. I could have grabbed a towel, but I just didn't think of it._

_I could feel his eyes all over me and I heard his breath accelerating and suddenly I grew cheeky "If you're going to keep staring at me Edward, can you please close the door, it's getting cold in here."_

_I could hear him gasp and I snickered while I continued wetting my long hair under the shower. I could hardly hear it over the water, but the door closed, while his heavy breath remained present._

_My cocky mood increased even and I pretended that I thought he had left, softly humming a song and taking some shampoo to wash my hair. _

_He was too much of a gentleman to let me believe this, although not enough to actually leave._

"_Um… Bella, I'm sorry, I'm still here," he croaked._

"_Oh, I know," I nonchalantly responded, and I took some body wash to soap up my skin. I made sure to make good work of every part, especially my breasts. _

_His deep breaths became pants, and then I realized I could also hear another sound._

"_Edward, what are you doing?" I asked softly, falling out of my seductive act._

"_I'm.. um… touching myself."_

"_Do you want to touch me too?" I whispered. _

_The one time he touched me intimately before, about a month ago, he had made me feel magical wondrous things. He wasn't too happy then, because it didn't end in a climax, but it had been fireworks nonetheless. I wanted some fireworks again. My body wanted to feel his hands. And now was the perfect time. I have a feeling he won't say no. _

_He quickly removed all his clothes and stepped into the shower with me. Immediately his hands took over the soapy lathering, slipping over my skin and setting me on fire. _

_When he took the shower head to rinse the soap away again, he paid a little more attention to certain body parts, remembering how I told him my alternative use for the shower. He lifted my right foot onto the edge of the tub and aimed the water between my legs. I moaned and leaned back against the shower wall, letting him have his way with me. _

_After a while, the water was joined by his fingers, which slid over me with ease. He slipped a finger inside and then two, and started pumping me. _

_Already the fireworks were there, I was lifted high by the combined stimulation of his hand and the water. My legs were starting to give out from under me, and he told me to lay down in the bath. The surface felt cold against my back, but I didn't care. He got out of the tub to kneel next to it and kept working me, relentlessly. _

_Until I could feel muscles contract inside of me. A rhythmic pumping. I thought that maybe this was it. _

_But he just kept going and I stayed up in heaven. Feeling the contractions from time to time, which made my hips quiver and my stomach clench. _

_And then, all of the sudden, before I even knew it was coming, everything exploded. I cried and my legs kicked involuntary while my entire core was furiously clenching and pumping. _

_Edward removed his hands and he gasped, muttering some things, but I was too far gone to understand. _

_When finally the spasms faded and my breath and heartbeat returned to normal I exclaimed "Oh. My. God. What the fuck was that!"_

_He answered, sounding equally amazed as I was "that, my dear, is what all the fuss is about."_

"_I guess I understand now. Jeezes."_

"_Although I must say you give a different meaning to the expression coming hard."_

"_Don't tease me, please."_

"_I'm not teasing you. I'm serious. This is just… wow."_

_I had an idea, and in any other state of mind, I wouldn't have dared to speak it out loud, but right now, I felt no more inhibitions._

"_Can I ask you something, Edward?"_

"_You can ask me everything, Bella."_

"_Have sex with me."_

"_What?"_

"_Have sex with me. Right now. I want you to be my first."_

"_But Bella. I can't do that. I'm not taking advantage of you. You don't know what you're asking."_

"_I do know, Edward. I've been thinking about it. I want to share my first time with someone I fully trust. And be honest, most high school girls lose their virginity to a guy that doesn't give a shit about them." _

"_You never told me you were thinking about this."_

"_I didn't dare. But I think now is a good time, because I believe we just minimized the potential hurt. And I had the feeling that you wanted to. But if you don't…"_

_I suddenly felt exposed, laying naked in the bath tub, begging my friend, my sexual experienced friend, to take me, while he refused._

_He must have seen it._

"_I want to Bella. And although there's a million reasons why I shouldn't agree, I am very much tempted to do it."_

"_So then do it. Trust me, I want it to be you. It won't even be like real sex if I can believe my friends, it will only hurt like hell and if I'm lucky it will be over in a couple of minutes."_

"_Just breaking the hymen," he said, tentatively._

"_Exactly. So I can enjoy it without pain if I do it with a boyfriend." _

"_I'd rather it be me than some loser who'll hurt you more than necessary. So, okay, I'll do it. But it doesn't have to be tonight."_

"_Yes it does, dad is out all weekend, it's perfect."_

_He was still hesitant, but I got up from the tub, pulling him up with me, and I let my hand slide over his already dried body. _

_My hand found what it was looking for, and for the first time in my life, I held a penis. A very hard one. He definitely wanted to. _

_I didn't really know what to do with it, I just held it, but apparently this touch made him realize that I was sure, and he picked me up and carried me towards my bed. He wanted to please me some more, but I was now too sensitive to touch. I was still soaking wet and I wanted this to be over with, so I asked him to just make it quick. _

_And that's what he did. He lowered himself over me, aligning himself at my entrance and then slowly, but steadily, pushed himself in, all the way. It did hurt like hell, I felt like he was ripping me open, and I tried not to make a sound as the tears streamed my face. _

"_I can stop here Bella, your hymen is broken now."_

_I answered in an unsteady voice "how is it for you? Does this feel good?"_

"_God, you have no idea how good," he whispered "but that's wrong because it hurts you."_

"_No, it's okay, I'm fine," I lied "just make it quick." I just figured that he probably had some burning muscles as well after the service he just provided me in the bath tub. And I would be sore anyway, better make it worth while. _

_He did as promised, he moved his hips fast, making sure not to enter me too deep, and before I knew it, he came._

"_Thank you," he panted._

"_Thank you," I replied, and I meant it like I never meant anything before._

***

"Do you want a replay," he now whispered seductively, in our hotel room shower.

I had a different play in mind, and I think he would be equally interested. I lifted my leg to place my foot on the edge, as I had done two years ago, but instead of taking the shower head, I pulled him closer to me, sliding over his cock. What better way to push any sort of nagging feeling away, hormonal or not, than with some freaking hot sex, with some freaking hot sex god.

We banged away against the bathroom tiles, praying that the neighbors were not in yet, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring me over the edge. I convinced him it was also a hormonal thing, and he let it go.

He let everything go. Burying himself deep inside me, and muffling his cries in my wet hair.

We washed ourselves and crawled into the bed, Edward feeling thrilled, as he should be after this wonderful day, and me feeling… I don't know how. The crazy sex had been really good, but somehow it had made the annoying feeling worse.

I lay awake for the longest time, listening to Edward's soft snore next to me. And then suddenly it hit me. Full force. As if I was kicked in the gut.

And I understood why I felt this rage towards Lauren. My realization totally knocked me out. I was jealous.

I was in love with him.

* * *

**AN: So Edward had to have a girlfriend for Bella to realize she's in love with him. Typical women! ;-) **


	14. Day 14 Space

**Day 14: Space**

**EPOV**

We were walking along the beach, hand in hand.

We must have seemed like a happy couple, but today, we weren't. There was something off with her, but I only got a 'nothing' in return whenever I asked. She had been acting distant yesterday as well, but I managed to take care of that in the shower. Boy did I take care of that. So I thought.

This morning when I woke up, Bella didn't want to get out for our Hollywood daytrip. She asked me to postpone, telling me that she hadn't slept well. That I could see, she had dark circles under her eyes as if she had been crying.

So I had breakfast alone while she stayed in bed. I brought her a brownie, over which she had been ecstatic the previous days, but she wouldn't touch it. Maybe she was getting sick. I hovered over her, offering extra blankets and water, asking her if I needed to switch the air conditioning on or off. But my attempts only made it worse. She told me to please let her rest and go check my mails or something. So I gave her rest.

There was a little fear inside that she wasn't sick at all, that she was only sick of me. We had been best friends all our lives, but never spent so much time together in a row. Even when we went to summer camp, boys and girls slept separately so she got a break from my nosy protective geeky self. I had learned my lesson, and I took my cell with me.

After an hour I got a text, which is weird because calling is much easier for her, even with the speach technology, saying that she was hungry and ready for lunch. I was hungry too, but I had wanted to give her space.

During lunch her mood had been a little better, although still distant and somewhat aloof. Not her style.

I told her carefully that I would go to the beach this afternoon, and that it would be nice if she wanted to join me. To my relief she agreed, and here we are.

We put our beach sandals in the bag and waded through the water line, feeling the faded waves against our legs. Sometimes I started a conversation, and she would talk along, but without enthusiasm, and when the chatting died, she was silent again. After the walk, we rolled out our towels, and laid down, enjoying the sun.

Time was slowly ticking, and I grew more and more worried. I decided to really ask her what was going on as soon as we got into our room again, and this time, I wouldn't take 'nothing' for an answer.

I refrained from asking her here, because I had a feeling this would be a sensitive topic.

Normally, if she had something on her mind, she would spill it even before I had the time to properly ask her about it.

Back in the hotel, she wanted to take a shower and then have dinner.

"Bella, can we please talk first?"

"I really want to wash this sand off, Edward."

I took a chance and blurted out "If you need space from me, please just tell me, instead of coming up with excuse after excuse." I didn't say it in an angry voice, just exasperated.

She was startled and stood still for a few seconds. I had expected her to fling into my arms, apologizing for her distance and telling me what was wrong. But instead she simply said: "Alright. I need some space." And she disappeared into the bathroom.

I was baffled, and went to sit on the balcony.

How could this be? This was Bella. My soul mate. My best friend in the world, I could never need space from her. If it were up to me, we merged into one so nobody could ever keep us apart.

And now she needed space. We still had a week left and already she was sick of me.

I couldn't help but shed a silent tear, as I stared into the sky, not really seeing anything.

In a way, I have always known that I needed her more than she needed me. But that didn't mean she didn't want my company, she told me several times. Friendship is not about needs, it's about care. There's a limit to that too, I suppose.

I wondered if she meant by her comment that she wanted me out of the room by the time her shower was finished. But I just couldn't do it. I don't think I can give her space. I want to make it alright again, desperately. Be Edward and Bella again. She would have to tell me which part of me she was sick of, and then I would change.

Another thought occurred in my mind. That maybe this trip was a huge mistake, and that she was glad now that I was almost off to college. At this more tears escaped. I didn't want to lose her.

I heard the window behind me slide, but I didn't move. She couldn't see my tears anyway.

Obviously she thought differently. Her hand found my shoulder and then moved to my cheeks. Immediately she started sobbing, uncontrollably.

I stood up and pulled her in a hug, very tight. What did this mean? Was it true? Was I losing her?

We stood there crying on the balcony. And I didn't dare to ask anymore what was wrong, much too afraid of the answer. Instead I waited for her sobs to calm down, and then I said: "Let's clean ourselves up and have some dinner."

She went back into the bathroom and I wiped my eyes, checking the mirror if I looked okay. I wish I never asked her if she wanted space. She had clearly decided that she didn't want to tell me that, and that's why she came up with the tired excuse. To spare me.

But of course I had to be nosy again. Always prying.

Suddenly I was sick of me too.

We had our dinner in complete silence, and when I say silence I mean that not a single word was spoken. Both of us immersed in thoughts.

I couldn't have been more crushed if my heart had been ripped out.

On our way out of the restaurant, she said she would go to bed early, still not feeling well.

Right. I let her go without commenting, telling her I would be having a drink in the hotel bar. She simply nodded and got into the elevator.

And I walked into the bar, leaned on the counter and decided to get totally wasted.

I didn't even have to pay for most of it, as some rich thirty something lady kept buying me drinks. I didn't know what she wanted from me, at first. Somewhere along the night, her intentions became more clear. She asked me to dance with her, even though nobody in the bar did, and she started to grind her hips against mine. I really looked at her for the first time, and actually she didn't look bad. She reminded me of Miss Porter.

When she invited me to come up to her room, I figured that Bella would have plenty of space tonight, and I had my cell with me if she would be worried.

I followed the lady. I'm sure she told me her name, but I don't remember. Things like that are not important. She asked me if I was a virgin and I made all her dreams come true by nodding. Asking her shyly if she would teach me. If she was my teacher fantasy, then I might as well play my role well.

A couple of hours later, she was absolutely pleased with what she had taught me. But I didn't notice any of her compliments, as I was knocked out on her bed.

* * *

**AN: We know what Bella is hiding but Edward can't figure it out. Poor both of them...**


	15. Day 15 Hiding

**Day 15: Hiding**

**BPOV**

I woke up by the sound of the door opening. I reached out in the bed to the place next to me, but his space was still cold. So it must have been Edward returning.

"What time is it?" I mumbled in a sleepy voice.

"Eight," he bluntly answered and got into the bathroom.

What?!? He hadn't returned tonight?

I knew I had hurt him, but during the evening he seemed more angry. All I wanted was to take some distance to sort out this feelings. I simply could not be in love with him. Impossible. Sure it's no crime to need some time?

I had to have some answers, so I followed him into the bathroom. I could hear him discarding his clothes on the ground and turning on the shower to warm the water. I could smell beer, cigarettes and cheap perfume.

"Where have you been?"

"Giving you space."

"Did you sleep?"

"A little."

"Where?"

"I don't know her name," he answered and stepped into the shower.

So he had been sleeping with some woman, while I was in here mesmerizing over how I was in love with him. It stung. Badly.

I don't know if he sounded angry or sad. Whatever it was, it was my fault. I sat down on the toilet and waited for him to come out of the shower to talk.

When the water was turned off, I softly said "I didn't need that much space."

He grabbed a towel and said "You don't have to explain, Bella, I understand. If you are too sick of me to talk to me, then I figured you didn't want me in your bed either."

"What? I never said I was sick of you, Edward." I stood up and stepped forward, reaching out for him.

He took both my hands in his and answered, in a milder tone "Yes you did. You needed space."

"That's not the same thing. So I had a bad day. I'm not sick of you, I swear." I can't believe he should think that. It's exactly the opposite. I'm crazy about him.

"Promise?" he whispered.

"Of course! How can I ever be sick of you!" I took another step and grabbed hold of him. I can't believe that I hurt him. I could tell that he was relieved, because he held me so tight it almost crushed me.

Clearly, the distance thing isn't going to work. I only hurt his feelings while I love him so much. I would have to find a way to deal with it and keep him close at the same time.

I know we promised each other that we would be honest about this kind of feelings, but the timing was just so rotten. I took a long time thinking about this last night in bed. Alone. And I came to the conclusion that this little crush was induced by all the time we spent together now on this vacation and by the breaking of the week rule. He will reunite with Lauren once we are back, and in September he will move away. The crush would fade, and if I should spill my secret now, it would make our last weeks as close friends, including this trip, very very awkward.

So I broke the promise, and kept my feelings to myself. And I had to do it right, Edward was not supposed to know anything was up, because, as was to be expected with this insecure boy, he saw my distance as a rejection.

I could feel his chest quivering slightly.

"Oh Edward, you should know better."

"I thought I was losing you, Bella," he said, followed by a sob, and another one.

I held him even tighter, not caring that he was naked "You'll never ever lose me. I promise."

"I know you promised. But things are about to change."

"I'll do whatever it takes to be your best friend till we die. If you do the same." _Even if you and Lauren turn out to be something serious_, I added to myself.

"Of course. You mean so much to me, Bella."

"I know. Hush now. Let's get dressed and have some breakfast. I'll behave better today."

He released his grip and took a deep breath. "It was just a bad day? You feel better now?"

"Yes. I feel better. And I'll show you. I don't want you further than a foot away from me, at all times."

"Deal," he said, and I could hear in his voice that a smile had appeared.

I took a deep breath as well. I promised myself not to hurt him like that again. He can be cocky and playful, but deep down, he is very vulnerable, maybe even the most vulnerable person I know.

"So," he said, in a teasing tone "better start taking you PJ's off then. I'm a foot away."

"Alright," I answered and started taking it off, but before I was finished, he was out and had closed the door. Sometimes he can be such a gentleman.

I don't know why I did it. Maybe it was some lame trick to seduce him. Although I actually didn't want to sleep with him right now. How contradictory is that? I find out I'm in love with my best friend, whom I had sex with for two years, and now I don't want to.

It's because he slept with someone else tonight and I don't want to think about that. Plus I'm afraid my feelings will only get worse, and that I will risk making love to him. It felt different holding him too.

I shook that thought away and hopped into the shower. When I got out of the bathroom, ready for breakfast, he was with me in an instant, needing another hug. I expected him to be very affectionate today, and frankly I didn't mind. Instead of holding his hand when walking towards the elevator, I snaked my arm around his waist and his hand grabbed my shoulder tight. And basically, we stayed that way all through the day, attached almost from head to toe.

He didn't even run off to mail with Lauren. Instead he just gave her quick call. The "miss you too" at the end of the call shot through my heart, but I shook that away as well as soon as he pulled me in a hug again, enthusiastically asking me what we would be doing tonight.

Although it never rains in California, it was raining today, so I opted for staying in and playing card games on our huge bed. We ended up playing poker with Braille cards, and Edward lost big time. I don't need my sight to notice things about him and I am on to him every time he's bluffing. Still he keeps trying.

We didn't play strip poker, still a bit shaken about our sort of fight yesterday. All his affection had been purely platonic today. When we got into bed, he kindly stayed on his side, but I wanted to keep hugging him as we had done the entire day. So I crawled over and lay my head on his shoulder, my arm around his stomach. He sighed happily, kissing the top of my head.

At that moment, I grew even more in love with him. I tried to suppress the thoughts again, as I had managed to do today, but at night such things just pop up again, and everything feels different.

Somehow my hand was slowly tracing the warm skin of his arms and his stomach, and I could feel him shiver. My face was against his neck and I softly kissed the skin there, while his arm around my shoulder pulled me a little tighter to him. At this moment, it was so easy to imagine that he loved me too, while in fact, he only wanted me.

After a while our soft touches became more urgent, and breaths grew heavier. Clothes were removed without speaking and I lowered myself over him. I didn't want him to see my face, so I kept hugging him and kissing his neck while he slowly moved his hips. Moved my world.

I was making love.

He wasn't but I definitely was. For the first time in my life.

My eyes were tearing up because I wasn't supposed to, but it felt so amazing. To hold the one you love and feel him deep inside.

He didn't try to manually help me out, he knew I wouldn't let him while I was so shyly hiding. Instead his hands kept stroking my back, up and down, and I could feel my body tingle in every fiber.

When he came and softly groaned in my ear, all I could think off was how my lips were only inches away from his. How easy it would be to pretend that I misunderstood, thought that all rules were gone.

I imagined kissing him and it would be like those kisses I read about it novels, a kiss that said more than a thousand words. That said everything I wasn't allowed to say.

_I love you Edward_.

* * *

**AN: How sweet is that?**


	16. Day 16 Hollywood

**Day 16: Hollywood**

**EPOV**

We were in a taxi on our way to Hollywood, finally. Today was our last day in LA and so our last chance. She was leaning against me, and I saw the taxi driver smile sweetly at us. She probably thought, just like many others, that we were a happy couple on holiday.

Happy we were. Yesterday had been wonderful. I was so delighted that she was her sweet self again. I am a very affectionate person, and I don't want to smother her, but yesterday she had been the affectionate one. She hugged me all the time and held me close whenever walking, and I passed the day with a cheesy smile on my face.

I probably care too much about her, I know that. But I sometimes want to take it on me to make her happy, I see it as my responsibility, as her best friend, seeing that she doesn't have a boyfriend doing that.

She was less cuddly today, but I didn't mind. She had showed me that she cared for me too, and that I wasn't going to lose her, and I understood that she couldn't keep that level up the rest of the vacation. After all, we were just friends.

We were dropped off at the Universal Studios Theme park, as we decided to visit that one now it was still early and fairly calm. We learned more about our favorite movies and took souvenir pictures. Bella is surprisingly good with the camera. Of course with modern technology, all she has to do is listen to my direction for pointing the camera and pressing the button.

We spent the entire morning in that park and then had a hot dog from an overly priced booth for lunch. After that we walked the Walk of Fame along Hollywood Boulevard, me reading out to her all the names of the stars we know. I wanted to put my arm around her shoulder, but she shrugged it off and took my hand instead. I took a good look at her face now, and I saw that she seemed a little sad again.

I decided not to push her, and we walked on, along all sorts of famous Hollywood attractions. I tried to avoid the busy tourist mass and visit spots that were less famous but that still held our interest. Now I was paying more attention to her, I saw that something was up again. And thinking back of it, she had been quiet this morning as well. I had been too dazed from yesterday to notice, but during our entire visit, it had mainly been me doing the talking, while it is usually the other way around. Of course I am the one recognizing the movie stars and guiding her, but still, mostly she has her fair amount of talk as well.

I was praying to myself that she didn't have a bad day again, or worse, that she had tried to convince me yesterday that she wasn't sick of me, but now realized that she definitely was.

I wouldn't pull the emotional blackmail card today, and I wouldn't get drunk and laid either. When I saw that lady today during breakfast, I had been terribly ashamed. She eyed Bella, noticed that she was blind, and gave me a death glare, coming to the wrong conclusion.

Of course she was somewhat right, I had left Bella alone that night to agree to a strangers flirting. That's not what a nice friend does.

We decided that Hollywood was too expensive for dinner and took a taxi back to our hotel. That was expensive too, but not outrageous and at least we were at ease here.

I could tell that the mood was different from the other day, now she tried to wear a happy face, and she smiled whenever I made a joke or teased her. Her sadness wasn't striking, anyone who saw her would think that she was perfectly fine. But I know her. And I can tell that she isn't.

She pulls away the slightest bit when I touch her. She never laughed out loud, and sometimes her frown would appear. I was contemplating if she wanted me to try and pretend it was nothing, or if she wanted me to recognize that she needed space again. I know her inside out, but that doesn't mean I know what to do. In fact, I hardly ever know what to do when it comes to women and feelings.

So I just let her take the lead, and she asked me if it was okay that we went to the room after diner, to watch some TV. She had said 'we', so I went along. I had called Lauren this morning, telling her I would be visiting Hollywood all day, so she didn't expect any mails from me.

We turned on the TV and switched channels until we arrived at an old movie, filled with stars we met today, wax and handprint wise. She didn't lean against me, the way we usually do during movies, we were just both next to each other, leaning against the headboard.

There was definitely something off, I can't believe I didn't notice this the entire morning. But the more I noticed, the more I started paying attention and I was slowly going insane again. Brooding until my head would explode.

I gathered my courage and took her hand in mine. A first breath of relief was blown when she took my hand without hesitation.

"Bella, is there something you want to talk about?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" she said startled. She can't honestly pretend she doesn't know she's been distant.

"Yesterday everything was perfect, and now you are sad again."

"I'm not sad," she said, and she tried to smile.

"Is this about me going off to college?" She turned her head away from me and stayed silent.

So it was. I can't believe I didn't figure this before! Of course it was. Our week here was coming to an end, our vacation was halfway through. She was sad because I would go, not because she wanted me to go.

"Bella… Is it? Are you scared about losing me? Is that why you are so quiet?"

"Yes." she swallowed and nodded.

"Oh honey, we'll figure something out." I moved closer to her to pull her in my arms. This time, she didn't flinch. "We talked about this so many times," I tried to soothe her.

"But it always comes down to the same, doesn't it. Things will change and we will have to deal with it. I don't want things to change." The last sentence was almost too soft to hear.

"Me neither Bella. Can't you move with me? We'll figure out what you want to do together."

"You'll have Lauren."

"Lauren is going to a different college. And quite frankly, if I had to choose who I want with me when taking a leap and moving out, my maybe girlfriend, or my best friend of all times, I wouldn't take long to choose."

She sighed.

"We talked about this too, remember. I want to come with you, I really do, but I can't leave dad. Not yet. And I'm not ready to leave my home too. I'll be a blind girl in a new state. That's scary."

"Not if I'm there. If you stay home, you'll be the blind girl starting a new part of her life without me."

"I can't depend on you forever, Edward. Would you come with me to class? Would you come along on a job interview? I have to start exploring things without you, and I don't want to do it in a different state."

"I understand. So yeah, basically, you're right. We've had this discussion a million times before, and it always comes down to the same."

I lay my head against hers and she held my hand more tightly, while tears were streaking her face. I didn't want to spend our last evening in the hotel like this.

With my free hand I softly wiped them away and grabbed the remote to turn off the TV. Somehow I managed to lay her down on the bed and cover us both with a blanket without releasing her hand.

Then she suddenly wrapped her arms around me and silently sobbed against me, whispering that she was so afraid to lose me.

I couldn't really comfort her. Those were my fears as well. How was I supposed to live in another state without her?

In the past I avoided these thoughts, because somewhere I kept believing that we would find a way to still be together. Hoping that she would come to see she can't let me go just like that, and that she would follow. But now she does find that it's hard to let me go, very hard, and she's still not following.

And I really can't expect her to. She's right. Starting a new life is scary for me, but for a blind girl, it must be tenfold.

All I could do was let her know how much I cared for her, and I held her close to me until she fell asleep, long before I did.

And somewhere during the night, I came up with a plan, a desperate plan that would be my last resort.

* * *

**AN: What do you think he's up to?**


	17. Day 17 Stanford

**Day 17: Stanford**

**BPOV**

When I woke up, I pressed the clock button on my cell, and it told me it was eight.

We had to pack our stuff and move into the camper again. Today we would be driving to San Francisco and visit the city. My clock hadn't woken up Edward, who's breath was still steady.

I ignored my nagging mind, and crawled closer to him, my face buried into the crook of his neck, and my hands sliding over his warm skin. It's hard to believe I only just realized I'm in love with him. Letting the realization creep in has made my heart flood with love sick feelings, but I must have felt some of it before as well.

Now I am being constantly swayed between feeling terribly sad that I just found out now, when it's too late, and feeling giddy whenever he touches me. Which is practically all the time. I tried to hide it so hard, but even now, as I place a soft kiss on his jaw, my lips crave more, they want to kiss his lips. I want to get lost in a long and warm kiss with his arms around me.

The sadness I couldn't hide. I didn't need to either, he understood why I was sad.

Since he is still sleeping, I took advantage to steal another kiss, on his neck, and another one.

When the temptation became almost too hard to fight, I pulled myself away from him to sit up slowly. I was surprised when his hand closed around my arm and pulled me to him again. He turned us around in one movement so he was on top of me and I could feel his morning wood against my thigh.

He groaned in my ear "you know, Bella, your hot and cold act is making me very, _very_ confused."

I gasped and freed myself from his grip, practically running into the bathroom. Was he on to me? Or just teasing? What did he mean by confused? Did he feel something for me as well? He didn't sound confused. Shit shit shit. I'm losing it here.

I took a very long shower and by the time I got out of the bathroom, he was up and cheerfully packing our stuff.

"I'm sorry I nearly raped you there, but you had it coming with the neck kissing," he said it in a teasing tone, as if it was absolutely normal that I wake up and start kissing him. I don't know. What is normal? How did I act before I found out? Can't remember.

"It's okay," I murmured.

"Anyway, I'm glad you're not letting your sorrows rule the rest of our vacation. There's still a couple of days left. And I just want to be Bella and Edward, like we always were."

I nodded. We went downstairs for a huge breakfast, that was supposed to strengthen us all the way to San Francisco, and then we grabbed our suitcases and moved to the camper again. I silently said goodbye to the hotel where I made love for the first time and greeted our camper, wondering if I would be making love in that one too.

We were happy to be on the road again, even though it was the road back home. We sang songs and I sat as close to him as possible. We were constantly making contact, holding hands or shoulders touching. Now that I paid more attention to this kind of stuff, because of the butterflies, I slowly understood why people figured we were together. He sought the contact just as much as I did, and I could tell that it made him happy. So somewhere along the six hour drive, I slowly started to imagine that maybe he felt it too. Even if he wasn't aware of it. That he was also in love with me.

I know he told me - many times - that I'm not his type, that he wants different things in a girlfriend. But why does he want to be so close to me all the time? Why does he want me so bad, sexually? Because that is certainly one of the effects of being in love.

Now, every time I as much as thought about him moving inside me, his moans and his arms around me, it got all hot and bothered. My mind tricked me, thinking that we somehow were a couple already, only he didn't know it yet.

Yeah. And only he wanted Lauren.

I was brought back to reality when she called and he answered even before the phone could ring twice. He chatted cheerfully, happy to hear her. And when he said "I'm on my way home, baby" my heart broke.

I could just kick myself. Hard.

Instead I mumbled something about being hungry and started rummaging in the fridge. As if I could eat something now, even if I forced it down my throat.

The rest of the day, I was a little more distant, holding back my fluttering heart, pretending to doze off in my seat.

When we arrived in San Francisco I asked him if he wanted to eat, or visit the Golden Gate Bridge first.

He hesitated "Well, actually, we're not in San Francisco yet."

"Oh? So where are we then?"

"Stanford." he said carefully.

And he was right to be apprehensive. I was instantly pissed. That he would pull this trick on me, on our vacation.

During our senior year, we had both applied to several colleges. I didn't actually want to go, but I humored him so we would both be busy with applications and not just him. He got accepted to Harvard, to the delight of the entire Cullen family, and I got into Stanford. Their acceptance letter was accompanied by a folder of all kind of facilities and aids for visually impaired students. They were well equipped and Edward and his family were thrilled that I would be going to college as well. Only I wasn't.

It's not that I don't want to study. I just didn't want to move to a far away state, alone. Just me and my handicap.

They thought it was ridiculous, I make new friends with ease and I find my way wherever. I was the one who dragged Edward with me, to all sort of new places. But college is not like high school.

I had been so glad that dad had told me I could do whatever I wanted, and that he wouldn't think of me any less if I didn't go to college. There's tons of nice and satisfying jobs that don't require a college degree, such as his own.

And after many long talks, Edward understood as well. My fake confidence would not stretch that far, and I would not go. He stopped bugging me.

Until now.

On our vacation, he had to bring me here.

"Just checking Bella, what harm can it do? We never went to a college campus before, and this one was practically on our way."

"I know what you're trying to do here Edward, and I can't believe you would try that."

"Fine. If you're going to be that way, I'll check it out by myself."

He slammed the door and started walking away. I knew he must be waiting for me from a distance, but I was too stubborn.

I felt like a failure. Who didn't dare doing what everybody expected of me. But I couldn't care less about everybody. It was Edward's opinion that mattered. And clearly he made up his mind that I had to go to college, or otherwise… I don't know, he'd be disappointed, I guess.

As these thoughts filled me, and Edward stayed away, I grew even more angry. The clock said nine o'clock and so I just grabbed a sandwich, unfolded the bed an got in, not wanting to speak another word to him when he came back.

When he finally did return and found me on the bed, he sighed and sat down, turning me around to wake me up. If he had been smart, he would have known that now is not a good time to talk to me. But he wasn't smart today.

"Bella, you don't understand."

"I do understand, Edward. It's you constantly pushing me and making me feel like I'm worthless if I don't grow into a doctor or a lawyer like the rest of your perfect family."

"Hey, that's not fair. Leave my family out of it."

"Not going to college isn't going to make me less of a person."

"Of course not. But you'll regret it. You could just give it a try, and return home if it doesn't work out."

I know he brought up this argument before, and it was a reasonable one. But as in the rest of my life, sometimes it's easier to stay where you are, then to try something else and risk losing it.

Because I heard it so many times before, his arguing made me only grow more angered.

"You know Edward, I begged you over and over to let it go. You can be so god damn selfish, always wanting your way, and wanting to push everybody else your way. Like asking me to follow you to Harvard. While you never even considered staying home! And now this again. You are selfish and I can't talk to you anymore. So goodnight."

I turned around, listening to his heavy breath. I was instantly sorry about everything I said, but I needed to say some of it, get it off my chest.

And then, before getting behind the wheel again and driving up to San Francisco, he leaned over, gave me a kiss on my shoulder and whispered "you are so wrong, Bella."

* * *

**AN: Who's wrong and who's right?**


	18. Day 18 Make Up

**Day 18: Make up**

**EPOV**

She never hurt me as much as she did last night.

I was angry too, angry that she misunderstood and never gave me a chance to explain. Angry that she should think such things about me.

I'm sure she didn't mean all of it, she gets that way sometimes. Only never with me.

All I wanted was for her to be happy. I don't understand what's gotten into her lately.

And now this. I shook the thoughts out of my head because I would only end up crying. She called me selfish. If only she knew. How often I had wanted to throw that Harvard acceptance away. She wouldn't let me. If I stayed in Forks with her, she would resent me for it. And she knew that as well.

I hadn't slept tonight. I drove through San Francisco and watched the Golden Gate Bridge. I never want to see it again, as it will only bring me sad memories.

I kept driving all night. It wasn't the smartest thing to do. But I made myself a can of coffee and it kept me awake. I didn't want to crawl into that bed with her, and I wanted to get us home as fast as possible. There was no point in enjoying this vacation any longer, if that was what she thought about me.

Slowly she was stirring in the back.

Since I now took the highway, instead of the beautiful coastline as we planned, I had already reached our destination for today. I would need a nap somewhere during the day, but if I kept this up we could be home by tomorrow.

Somehow that was now the last place I wanted to be. Last except one. Here was the last.

She stood up and hesitantly made her way to the front. Se sat down next to me. Seeing her puffy eyes made my anger fade a bit and all I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and tell her everything would be okay.

"Did you sleep?" she asked softly.

"No, I kept driving. I figured the sooner we are home the better."

I shouldn't have said that, her face grew even more sad and my heart broke for her. Why did she make this so hard on me?

"You should know Bella, I considered staying in Forks a thousand times," I said softly, with a thick voice.

She shook her head "I don't want that."

"I know."

I parked the camper in a secluded spot, as I couldn't continue driving with my teary eyes.

"There's something else I want you to know, Bella. Checking out Stanford was not for you, but for me."

"You told me yes, that you wanted to see a campus. But why Stanford?"

"I didn't want to see any campus, I wanted to see this one. For me. I got accepted here too."

Her face showed surprise , but I don't think she understood what it meant.

"You never told me."

"Everybody was so high on Harvard, and you only told me about your acceptance once you had decided not to go. I wished we could both go here. We wouldn't have to be apart. But you don't want to."

She was silent.

"You'd give up Harvard to go here with me?"

"Of course. This is a fine university too. Plus it's only two hours flying from Seattle."

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Do you have to ask? You would think that I wanted to push you again and make this huge scene, like you did yesterday. But I had to give it one last try…"

At this she started sobbing, and I was with her in an instant, holding her close to me.

I helped her up and we lay down on the bed, her body shaking in my arms. I didn't know what this meant. Was she happy we could be together? Or did she still not want to go?

"I… I'm…so sorry….sorry that I…. called you… selfish," she hiccupped.

"Shhhh, it's okay now. I know you didn't mean it." It was nice to hear anyway. It had hurt me so much.

"I didn't mean it" she wailed.

"I know, shhhhh." I rocked her softly back and forth, letting my own tears flow as well.

When after the longest time my tears were dried again and her sobs were silenced, she pulled away from me a little to lay in front of me, her forehead against mine. Her fingers moved over my face to check my expression. They rested on my swollen eyelids and she leaned closer to place a soft kiss on both my eyes. It was a sweet gesture.

She kept holding my face in her hands, and then she leaned closer to place a light kiss on my lips. That was sweet as well. Was this her way of telling me it would be okay? That she still loved me?

I know we have this rule about kissing, but apparently on this vacation, rules don't apply. So I gave her a kiss back on her lips. It was nice, soft. Her lips were slightly swollen from the crying as well.

She kissed again, with a little more pressure this time.

I could feel her breath stutter against my lips, and I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her body against mine. This caused her lips to be pressed against mine as well, and my mouth developed a mind of it's own. I started kissing her more deeply and she responded equally.

Before we knew it, we were kissing passionately, undressing each other, hands over skin, tongue over tongue. She took the lead and I let myself get dazzled by her.

When she lowered herself on me, we never broke the kiss. Who knew sex with kissing could be so much more than without? Why did we ever create that rule?

There is something so intimate, about being connected in every possible way. Emotionally and physically.

We moved in unison, neither of us really cared for release, we wanted this moment to last. This renewed connection.

So this is what make up sex feels like. Too bad we never fight. And I don't ever want to fight with her again. So this might be a once in a lifetime deal.

I think we both felt that way. Because we never took longer than today. Moving our hips slowly, but moving our tongues passionately.

Even after I came and we were no longer connected down there, we held each other close and the kiss lasted.

Until our lips were sore and our stomachs growled.

I was exhausted and when she pulled back, and lay my head on the pillow, and the image before me turned and swayed out of hunger and fatigue.

She sat up and said "I'll get you some food, and then you have to sleep." I merely hummed in agreement.

She opted for instant calories and grabbed a bar of chocolate from the cupboard. I thankfully devoured it . She went into the bathroom to refresh herself and came back with a wet cloth to clean me up as well. I hardly noticed as I was dozing off already.

She got back in the bed as well, although she had slept tonight, and her fingertips traced my face, my neck and my stomach, until I was sound asleep.

* * *

**AN: Yay they made up and tossed the last rule! So now you all learned Edward's actual plans with Stanford, do you still think he was wrong to be pushy? :p**


	19. Day 19 Campfire

**Day 19: Campfire**

**BPOV**

He slept all through the rest of the day and the night. He must have been dead beat.

When he got up, I acted as if nothing strange ever happened, busy in the kitchen area cooking some breakfast and saying "Morning sleepyhead, now move from the bed, and make the table."

He just muttered something, but did what I asked and placed plates on the table.

Then he stood behind me, pulling me in a hug, whispering "Morning beautiful. Smells nice here," and he placed a loud popping kiss on my neck. So far, nothing out of the ordinary. No mentioning of kissing, no teasing about broken rules.

I sighed relieved and said "Hands off, Cullen, if you care about your bacon."

He simply said "not as much as I care about you" and gave another kiss on my cheek before he went into the bathroom.

I blushed furiously and held my cool hands against my cheeks, ordering them to calm down.

The lovemaking yesterday had been the most magical thing I had ever experienced. I didn't have to hold back, I kissed him relentlessly, wondering why real couples ever stop kissing.

After a few hours my lips informed me why.

I managed to avoid any awkward subject the entire day. We drove the Oregon Coast Highway, along the west coast between Fortuna and Florence. The day was filled with laughter, teasing and playing.

At night, we parked the camper in the forest beyond Florence and we made a little campfire.

Edward grabbed his guitar and sang songs for me, while I thought about yesterday. Going to college with him. It wouldn't be so scary.

I think he knew what I was thinking about, because after a while he laid back his guitar and pulled me up from the chair. He sat down on the forest ground in front of the fire, leaning against the chair, and he pulled me down to sit between his legs, my back against his chest.

"We need to talk." he said, his voice vibrating through my back. Or maybe it were my trembles, fear of what was to come. He would call me on my kissing.

He added, because I hadn't answered "about yesterday."

I gulped and nodded.

"Have you thought about it?"

"About what?"

"Stanford of course!"

"Oh. Yes, actually I have."

"And what do you say? Many of your arguments don't stand if I'm there with you. And I don't want to push you. In this, I admit that I'm selfish, I just want you near. I'm just as scared as you are about moving out."

I opened my mouth to say something, and he interrupted "and don't say anything about geeks having no trouble finding other geeks."

I chuckled "I wasn't going to. You're right. If we could go to the same university, it would change the matter."

"But…?" he said, apprehensively.

"Dad."

"He'll be fine, Bella. He's a grown up. He survived before you were born too."

"That's because my mother was there."

"Okay, so he probably survive mostly on junk food and stuff, but that's his choice then, right? Lot's of single men live like that, and they're just fine. We'll buy him a laptop and teach him to Skype so he can talk to you daily."

"I can't see him do that. He's always grumbling about stupid computers at the station."

"Don't worry. He will for you. Maybe it will be good for him, so he can't worry constantly about you, and so he has to find a life of his own. And it's not as if you'll be gone forever. I looked it op. For 140 dollars you can fly back and forth, two hours each. I'll even pay that for you, as my selfish person wants you to come along whenever I go home."

"Please stop referring to what I said to you. I feel terrible about it."

"I'm sorry, Bells." He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head back on his shoulder.

If only he knew what he did to me, just by being so close.

My fingertips stroked the soft hairs on his forearm. College with him. More of this sweet torture. But there was no other choice. I couldn't see myself being happy anywhere else. I couldn't see my self at all anywhere else.

A small smile played on my lips "I think I'd like to go to college with you."

"Really?" he said, and crushed me even closer to him, again the enthusiastic boy he was when starting this trip.

I nodded and my smile broke through, when he was happily placing kisses on the back of my head and my ears.

"We could live together Bells, can you imagine us both in an apartment?"

"Easy tiger, one thing at the time okay. I don't think Lauren will be thrilled with that."

"So we'll rent a two bedroom, lots of students do so."

"Sure." I couldn't help but smile at the prospect.

Then he sighed and rested his chin on my shoulder and we sat there a long time, in the heat of the campfire.

"There was something else as well," he mumbled.

"Yes?"

"Why did you kiss me yesterday?"

This time I hadn't expected it. I was totally taken by surprise and I froze.

Forgot to breathe.

"Don't get me wrong, I liked it, as you noticed, but it's not like you. Break the rules like that," he blurted, and then continued mumbling even faster "I know we broke the week rule before, but that was a shitty rule anyway. The kissing rule was like rule number one. And I don't understand. I mean, we said we'd be honest…"

"Stop, Edward. You're babbling."

"Sorry. I just want to know… are you in love with me, Bella?"

Another punch in the gut and again I couldn't breathe.

He didn't take it back though, and he didn't joke about it. The question floated around us.

And without thinking any further, I simply said "yes," in a steady voice. He must know instantly that it was the truth.

"What?" he breathed shocked.

How can he be shocked if he asked the question, sure he must have suspected it.

He started stuttering. "You… I… I didn't… It was just a guess. Jeezes. Are you for real?"

I think maybe I had expected him to just say he loved me back. After all, he was the one who always needed to touch me, and who was so happy whenever I smiled. Sure he loves me back, right?

But then he wouldn't be so shocked, would he?

I was a little put off. But there was no way back now.

"For real yes. I only realized this week."

"And you didn't tell me."

"Timing sucks, Edward, really bad."

"It does," he answered.

Another thought popped up in my mind. What if he didn't want to go to college with me if I was in love with him? What if he thought living in different states would be for the best?

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

"Oh silly Bella, don't be sorry, I'm glad you told me. Just… I don't know what to say. Let me think about this, okay?"

"Okay."

"It's late, let's get some sleep."

I got into the camper, changing into my pajamas and got into bed, while he stayed outside to put out the fire.

When he came to bed as well, he was careful not to touch me. Whereas all the other nights, he pulled me close for a goodnight kiss. Now he gave me a quick peck on the forehead and turned around to sleep.

I couldn't blame him. If a month ago, he would have told me the same, I would have had the same reaction. I would curse under my breath and try not to encourage those feelings.

I guess I can say now, with certainty, that he is not in love with me.

Let's just hope that he still wants to be my friend tomorrow.

* * *

**AN: There you go. She told him. And the dummy doesn't know what to say...**


	20. Day 20 Shock

**Day 20: Shock**

**EPOV**

Today was… awkward. That's the right word, I guess.

Neither of us spoke of our conversation yesterday, but it was present like an elephant in a camper.

She moved cautiously around me, and I did the same. We put on a loud CD, something that would not contain the word love, in fact, something that would not contain much lyrics at all.

It's not like we didn't talk, we did, we laughed and pretended to be relaxed. It was all just a little fake.

Once we were on the road I asked her if she wanted me to drive all the way back home. So she could take some distance.

Her face fell and I knew it was a wrong question. I quickly added that I rather have another night of camping. And after that, I quickly added that I meant guitar and campfire. Not wanting her to think that I wanted to have another fuck. That would be extremely awkward.

When I thought back on our encounters in the hotel, I can see now that she had been different. There had been something more intense. But I didn't see it then of course.

It's not that I didn't want to be honest with her, and talk to her, even if it was just to comfort her and tell her I didn't mind. But the truth is, I don't know if I mind.

I'm still too shocked to grasp it. I used to be the one who fell for her, and that's a long, long time ago. It doesn't make sense. All other boys she had fallen for, were nothing like me. Why the sudden change?

I know we used to think that life would be so much easier if we would just fall in love with each other already. But for it to actually happen.

When dreaming about this, we never thought about what would happen if it was just one of us. If the feelings were not returned.

What am I supposed to do now? I don't love her back, well sure I do, but not in that way.

And I don't want to hurt her. Of all people in the world, there is one that I want to make happy, and now I'm the one breaking her heart. It shouldn't be like this.

There is however one thing that I could do. Get rid of Lauren. Now certainly is not the right time to try having something serious with a girl. Lauren's not that important to me, not yet. And going to different colleges, it wouldn't have worked anyway. Better spare me the heartache. And Bella's as well.

So when I was in the forest for a sanitary break, I called Lauren up. She didn't answer, but I had to tell her, so I wrote her a text. I know it sounds lame, but technically we weren't together. I had only told her I would think about it when I got back and now I changed my mind and I didn't want to lead her on any further. I told her I tried to reach her, and then made up an excuse about wanting to go to college being single and not wanting the long distance thing. I ended with the hope that she understood, and wishing her all the best.

When I got back in the camper, I was relieved, not hurt, which told me that I made the right decision. I wasn't going to make this any harder on Bella than necessary.

I know we needed to talk, but I would wait for the campfire again. I still didn't know what I thought about it, but I needed to know some more about her feelings. If she was okay with being just my friend.

And we would have to abolish the benefits, which pretty much sucked, since I had just dumped my almost girlfriend.

Our destiny of the day was Astoria. We had dinner there, not wanting to cook on our last night in the camper, and then drove onto the Long Beach Peninsula, known as the longest drivable beach in the world. We watched the sunset, well, I watched it and described it to her, and then I drove south again to park somewhere in the forest.

We started a campfire and sat down, much as we had yesterday. I guess we both knew that we needed to talk.

Before I could utter a word, however, my cell phone went off. Bella wanted to get up and give me privacy, but I told her to stay as I planned to quickly brush of whoever called me. Bella was most important now.

I picked up the phone without checking ID and regretted instantly when I heard Lauren's voice filled with hysteria.

"_How dare you break up with with a text, you bastard, I should have know you still hadn't changed!"_

"Lauren, calm down. How can I break up with you when we weren't even together?"

At this she screamed even harder and hung up on me. I had wanted to minimize it, but apparently it wasn't the right thing to do.

"You broke up with her? With a text?" Bella asked. I didn't want her to find out, didn't want her to know I was willing to make such sacrifices, out of guilt. She hates guilt. Or pity.

"Well, like I said, we weren't together."

"You were, sort of."

"Not anymore."

And then something dawned on me and I could tell that she would make the wrong conclusions. She might think that I broke up with Lauren in order to be with her. I had to correct, quickly.

"I just want to be single in college."

"Oh." She understood, and I wrapped my arms around her, like I had yesterday, before I knew.

"Is it okay if I hold you?" I asked. Awkward again.

"Of course. You always hold me. Why would you stop now you know I like it better."

"Because of that."

"I wish I hadn't told you then."

"We made a promise, Bella."

"I know. But this sucks. If you feel like you can't even hug me anymore. I only want things to stay as they were."

"Really?"

"Of course, what else could I want?"

"More."

"Yes. Well, I know you don't feel the same, so that's it. I don't want to lose you as a friend."

"Me neither. But I don't want to hurt you either."

"You won't. You're Edward. You never hurt me."

"Never doesn't count anymore this summer."

"Yeah, guess you're right. Can't we just see this as a silly summer crush, and hope that it will pass, just like your crush passed? And then afterwards, maybe we can be the same again?"

"You think it will pass?"

"It has to."

"Hmmm."

"Please Edward, tomorrow we'll be home, and we'll sleep in our own beds again, and fall back in our old routine, and I'll wonder what the hell gotten into me in LA."

"I hope it will be that simple." I absently trailed my fingertips over her arms, and smiled weakly when she shivered.

"And in the mean time, will you try to be just like you always were?"

"We can't be exactly like we were." No more benefits.

She knew what I meant.

"Right. You mean ever?"

"Not as long as this thing…"

"That's fair." She nodded.

"It's a shame though," I said softly.

"Yes."

How I was tempted to suggest one last time, for old times sake. It was our last night in the camper. And quite frankly, I had ignored my needs the last days and I was pretty horny.

She lay her head on my shoulder and pressed herself a little closer to me. She wanted it too.

One of us was gonna have to be the strong one. The sensible one. And it would have to be me.

But I was hard and her ass was pressed against me. Her mouth slightly parted and her breath was unsteady.

"Damn." I muttered, and it set her off.

She turned around and attacked me. Kissing me furiously and ripping off the button of my shorts. Fuck strong and sensible.

"One more," she breathed, and I answered "for old times sake," before I kissed her back and tried to undress her as well.

I took her right there, in front of the campfire. We were wild and ferocious, rolling around, leaves in our hair, kissing and biting everywhere. The desperation of a possible last time.

Now that I knew how she felt, I noticed the difference. How she kissed me, and softly moaned. How she scratched my skin, but from time to time caressed me too, lovingly. How she closed her eyes and surrendered.

At this moment, I surrendered too. Nothing complicated, no you feel this and I feel that. We were one.

Once we lay down on the forest ground, panting and dirty, I took her hand and whispered "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

"I'm glad you did. And you don't have to worry. I know how you feel, you didn't lead me on. We were just both horny, that's all."

"And now?"

"And now no more benefits until this thing is over. Best case scenario, it's gone as soon as we're home. Back in reality again. Plain boring Washington."

"Indeed," I answered "I hope it rains like hell."

She chuckled.

* * *

**AN: But we don't want "this" to pass, do we? :-)**


	21. Day 21 Home

**Day 21: Home **

**BPOV**

In one way, we were ready to go home. Ready to pretend the vacation was over and therefore every complicated thing it brought us.

But in most ways, we were oh so reluctant. So not ready to forget about all the beautiful things it brought us.

Even some complicated things were beautiful. I know I should want this crush to be over with, so that nothing can come in between me and my best friend. But if I had to be completely honest, I loved being in love with him.

I trust him, he won't hurt me. I know he doesn't love me back the same way, so that doesn't break my heart. I just cherish the butterflies in my stomach, I forgot how giddy they make me feel.

I love how my heart flutters whenever he holds my hand, even if it's just to lead the way. How I can lose myself in hearing his voice, so he has to repeat because I didn't get a word.

I remembered something he told me at the beginning of this vacation. That he was lonely and longed for this lovesick feeling. I didn't really understand it then, but I do now. I was reluctant to lose it again, to leave it on the camper.

We took a long break by Lake Quinault, about an hour and a half away from home. We had our last forest picnic and lay down in the grass by the lake.

We played a little game, well, it wasn't really a game, but it was something fun to do. I had one ear plug from my iPod in, and listened to the song that was playing. I mouthed the words, which I knew by heart, without a sound, and he had to recognize the song by watching my lips. When he did, he softly sang along while I kept mouthing the words.

It was an intimate moment, and for me, it might have lasted an eternity. I would cherish this memory and all the songs that were played today.

When the air began to get chillier, we got back in the camper, not wanting to be driving when all hell breaks loose, or at least be closer to home.

We were relaxed, there was no awkward tension, and I was glad we had our conversation yesterday. It didn't end exactly as planned, but who am I to protest?

We were both using each other for different purposes, but as long we were both honest about it, I didn't really see the problem. I understood however, that we couldn't keep it up, so either the crush would have to go, or the benefits would.

I wanted both. Edward wanted the benefits. So I would try my bestest to lose the crush and hope that the butterflies would soon turn up again for someone else.

Well, maybe not too soon, because I would leave Forks after summer.

Did I just think that?

Guess I did. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to college!

"Hey, what are you smiling about, Swan?"

"Stanford," I smirked.

"I knew you'd come around," he said, shoving me a little with his elbow. He sounded really pleased, so even now, knowing what he knows, he still wants me to come.

"Stop shoving me, Cullen, god, this vacation is _so_ _over,_" I said, playfully, and I added a wink, but I didn't know if he was looking.

"I know, right!" he exclaimed, and when at that precise moment, the skies opened up, we both laughed out loud.

"Oh shit, that's a welcome home, great, all vacation feelings just washed away."

"I can't even remember what sunshine feels like."

We kept laughing until we got home and when he parked in front of his house and turned off the engine, we both fell silent.

We agreed to each have dinner at our respective homes and spend the night apart, even though we might convince our parents that we were allowed to sleep together.

"I'm going to miss you, Swan."

"Me too, Cullen."

"Can I maybe call you tonight?" he asked, in a soft voice "Or would that bring back certain vacation memories?"

"No, you can call me. If we never went, you would be coming over or calling as well."

He took a deep breath and then pulled me flush against him, hard.

He buried his face in my neck and breathed "Take care, Bella. See you tomorrow, and remember, I never want to hurt you, and I love you."

He gasped when he spoke that last sentence, so I quickly covered for him "As a friend, I know. I love you too. Goodnight."

When we opened the door of the camper, dad was already waiting there with an umbrella to lead me inside the house. We both grabbed our most urgent belongings, which is essentially just a tooth brush, our wallets and cell phones, and got off the camper. We would unpack everything else tomorrow, when the rain was over.

As soon as I was inside and couldn't hear Edwards voice anymore, I was hit with a massive emptiness.

Like a piece of me had been ripped away. In fact, that piece was just a house away in distance and some fifteen hours in time. But it was too much.

I had had him with me twenty four seven, and by with me I mean, right next to me. Except for some hours spent apart, which were really an exception.

Whether my butterflies were gone with the sun, I don't know. I think I would miss him just as much if I weren't in love with him.

I went upstairs to place my toothbrush in the bathroom and to quickly wipe some tears away. I didn't want dad to worry, I was going to be the happy daughter tonight, making sure he knew that sending me off with Edward was not a mistake, but was good for me. I needed him on my side for my future plans.

My cell buzzed and when I picked up I heard a familiar voice "_Miss you already_."

I choked a little, couldn't answer, but I stepped over to the window of my bedroom, knowing that he could see me from his window.

"_Is that okay_?" he asked. I swallowed the lump in my throat away and nodded.

"_Good. Now be a sweet girl and tell your dad about all our adventures. During daytime I mean_."

I chuckled. Thankful that he wanted to cheer me up. It worked.

I mastered a brilliant smile and he said, also with a smile "_Bye Bella, talk to you later_."

Me and dad sat in front of the TV, with a home delivered pizza. I kinda missed those. The junk food you're used to, is always the best junk food ever.

I talked and talked about the different states we passed, about the waterfalls in Glen Canyon, about the Mexican stuff we did, about our hotel in LA, the visit to Hollywood, all sorts of stuff that I thought he might be interested in.

The more I plastered a smile on my face, the more my sadness slipped away. He said he couldn't wait for the pictures and I think he was genuinely cheerful. That his little girl had traveled the world a bit.

Somewhere during this, I said that I also visited the campus of Stanford. Actually Edward had, and I had spent that time sulking in bed, but I had been present there, so it wasn't really a lie.

"Oh, isn't that the University you were accepted to?"

"Yes. It's really nice there. Edward is considering going, because it's only a two hour flight away from Seattle."

"Really? I thought Edward was going to Harvard?"

"He was, but he wants to be closer to home."

"Two hours. That's not far."

"Do you remember the flyer they added? The one in Braille?"

"Yes. About their facilities," he sounded unsure, as if he didn't know where I was going with this. I wasn't sure either. Is this the right time to bring this up? What if he should think that I really didn't want to go to college and that I was only following my 'boyfriend'?

I tried to sound nonchalantly when I said "sometimes I consider college as well."

"You do?" Was this surprise? Suspicion? Hope?

"What do _you_ think, dad?" This was the first time I flat out asked his opinion, mostly he just agreed with whatever course I was choosing at that moment. Now he couldn't really know what I wanted.

"Well, I don't know. You can do whatever you want, Bella." Predictable.

"I know, and I will. I'm just asking what _you_ think. Sure you have an opinion?"

I could hear him scratch his face and then take a deep breath.

"Hmmm. I think you are very smart and independent, and I think if you really want to, you can pull it off, getting through college."

That was a surprise, but he wasn't finished yet.

"And while you're asking, I also think that you should. Even if you want a different job. You should go and keep your options open. You'll regret it if you don't. If after that, you still want to just live in Forks, then you still can. And I know it's scary, but I would be so proud if you could just give it a try, successful or not. And I also think that Edward going there, would be really good for you. Even if you don't stay together as a couple, he'll never let you down. I trust him."

Dad hardly ever speaks in full sentences, merely humming and yes and no. But now he got started, it seemed like a dam was broken and he couldn't stop anymore.

I was shocked, open mouthed. By the babbling and by what he said as well.

Especially the part of him being proud of me trying. I never looked at it that way. Just saw success or failure.

And he was right about keeping my options open too. I never saw it that way either.

And then there was the Edward thing that was so right as well. If ever something should happen between me and him, we would always be okay afterwards. I think this vacation proved that much.

I couldn't utter a single word.

"Are you okay there, Bells?"

"Um, yeah, dad. Jeez, you should talk more often. The wisdom!"

He chuckled "Don't make fun of your old man, Bella."

"I'm not. Really. You are so right, dad. About everything. And you know what? I think I will. I'll go to college, give it a try."

We were both emotional, which doesn't really happen normally with us. I think the return home and then realizing that I would be leaving again soon was a lot for him too.

He stood up and pulled me in some awkward hug, with patting on the back and all. When he let go he said, with an unsteady voice "you remind me so much of your mother, Bella." and then coughed and disappeared in the kitchen, to grab us some drinks.

I gave him some time, and pulled myself together again as well. He never told me that. And I never knew my mother, but somehow, to me, it was the biggest compliment he could ever give me.

When he returned, we didn't speak anymore, only followed the football game that was on, and after a while, I grew tired and kissed him goodnight before I went upstairs.

I switched on the light in my bedroom, went into the bathroom to change and then got under the covers. As soon as I switched the light back off, my cell phone buzzed.

"_Took you long enough_," my favorite voice muttered. I instantly smiled.

"I know, I had this crazy talk with dad."

"_Nothing bad, I hope_."

"Hear me out, you'll be shocked." I repeated the conversation word after word, and he gasped, much like I had.

"_No way!"_

"Yes way. Have you told your parents about Stanford?"

"_Yes. They're not too happy, but they'll see the advantages_."

"You living nearby is not really an advantage to them, flights to Harvard are more expensive, but they would hardly notice the price difference."

"_I'm not talking about that advantage. I'm talking about a happy son. That difference is huge_."

I smiled. "You're sweet."

"_Too sweet?"_

"Nah, just fine."

"_Are you tired?"_

"Exhausted. I think my own bed would do me good. Although it's cold."

"_Same here. Empty. But familiar. Guess I better get used to it again_."

"Indeed. Night Edward."

"_Night Bella, sweet dreams_."

I gave my cell a loud kiss and he chuckled before the connection was broken.

I smiled to myself and hugged my pillow before falling asleep.

* * *

**AN: Isn't he the sweetest dummy EVER?**

**The road trip is over now, next chapter will be the last...**

**PS: My best friend entered a story in a competition that runs till March 10th, the link is on my profile, please check it out!**


	22. Day 22 Head over Feet

**Day 22: Head over Feet**

**EPOV**

I woke up this morning and she was the first thing on my mind.

I missed her.

A lot.

And not like: "oh we had so much fun together, and I can't wait till we live in our own two-bedroom apartment" but more like "I'm counting the hours till I can see her again, and do we really need that second bedroom?"

I shouldn't miss her _that _hard.

It's just Bella after all. I never counted minutes before. She's my best buddy, if she's there we have a blast, if she's not, well, then too bad, I'll tell her about the fun I have later.

Right now, it seems as if there is nothing left without her.

And then it hit me.

Not slowly, but hard, right in my face. A voice that said: "Edward, you stupid stupid dumbass, how could you _not_ know?"

Indeed.

I've never felt this way, about anybody. She's my best friend, I want her around all the time, I trust nobody like her and I want nobody like her.

What more does a guy need to realize he's in love? To let it happen?

We were supposed to meet at ten, to empty the camper and return it.

It was now eight thirty. Ninety more minutes.

Would my realization be too late? Would she have concluded her feelings weren't real after all?

I have to see her sooner. I placed myself by my window, looking at hers. Would she be up yet? She only switches on the light for me. So the darkness now doesn't mean she's still sleeping.

I couldn't wait any longer and called her up.

"_Hmmm?"_

Okay, so she was still sleeping.

"Bella? Um…" Right. I didn't know what to say to her.

"_Edward? Ugh, what time is it?"_

"Nine." I pushed the truth a little.

"_I got another hour," _she muttered.

"I know, but I want to talk to you."

"_What, like now? This can't wait an hour?"_

"Actually it can't. Can I come over?"

"_Since when do you ask?" _She yawned.

"Since now."

"_Okay. Well, since you're so polite, give me five minutes to get dressed and brush my teeth_."

I almost chuckled, yeah, brushing teeth would be a good idea for what I had planned for her.

"Hurry."

"_Alright alright,_" she said, and I saw light in her room. She hung up and I waited for six long minutes for her light to turn off again.

Before I could ring the door, she had opened it, because she knew I would sprint over if I was so impatient.

"Shhh, dad's still sleeping. Now what's the big urgency?"

I got inside, closed the door behind me, and followed her into the kitchen, where she poured us both a glass of orange juice. She took a big sip, waiting for me to start, and then scrunched up her face. She always does that when she drinks orange juice right after she brushed her teeth, and yet she says she needs the juice. I almost chuckled at her infinite cuteness, but I was too nervous.

I took a step closer to her, gathered my courage and said "So Bella, how is your crush?"

She almost choked on the juice and put the glass down before wiping her mouth.

"It's… Um… Okay." Now she was nervous too.

I took another step and said "So you are not in love with me anymore?"

"I… sure… I mean, no, I don't think so, we should be fine." She nodded, to convince us both. The way she answered me gave me enough information though, and I smiled, relieved.

The next step I took closed the distance between us and when she backed up against the fridge, I got even closer, almost leaning against her.

"So then, you don't get shivers when I do this." I brushed her hair back behind her ear, letting my fingertips linger down her neck. Goose bumps were clearly visible.

She gulped. "No, no shivers."

"And if I do this, you're not trembling." I leaned over and softly licked the spot where my fingers were just before. I know it was evil, but I was enjoying this too much to stop.

"No, ahem, no trembles, whatsoever".

"Good, so I guess you don't go weak in the knees if I kiss you here either." I placed an open mouthed kiss right below her ear, while my hands slid down her arms, and I sucked on her skin gently.

"Edward," she groaned.

"Because Bella, I feel all that. I get shivers, and I tremble, and I'm sure weak in the knees."

She gasped and then released a ragged breath.

Not a sound was uttered.

"I'm here Bella. I finally see. It's always been you."

"Me?" she asked in a high pitched voice, as if she didn't believe it.

"I love you, Bella. With all my heart. Please tell me it's not too late, tell me you love me still."

"I do. Oh Edward, I do love you. And I love loving you, I don't want it ever to change," she said pleadingly, as if I would ask her to stop loving me now.

"So what do you say, you and me babe, how about it?"

She placed both her hands on my face, wanting to 'see' me and I smiled at her.

At this she lifted her head up and kissed me.

I eagerly responded and deepened the kiss, finally realizing what this feeling in my stomach is. I've been wondering. The famous butterflies. Or fireworks, or whatever.

I pulled her closer, almost crushing her lips.

"Hey kids, easy there, there's plenty of food in the fridge." I backed away startled and left Bella standing there, cheeks glowing. Charlie merely chuckled, and turned on the coffee machine.

"I'm sorry, Chief Swan," I stuttered.

"I may have a rifle son, but you've been dating each other for a while now, I'm sure I sort of figured that kissing is appropriate. Although I might suggest you find more private locations."

He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Of course, Chief."

Bella was still stupefied, probably more about my confession then about getting caught, but I could see that she was holding back a small smile. We had never been dating and he just witnessed our first loving kiss. But we have been doing plenty of different things for years, and the whole situation now seemed a little ridiculous.

"Let's clean the camper Bella," I broke the awkward silence.

She eagerly held out her hand, and I grabbed it, pulling her to the front door.

Once we were outside, we both broke into laughter, but it didn't last long.

I had her alone again, and I pushed her against the wall next to the front door and started kissing her again. I kept my hands in her hair, and she wrapped her arms around my neck.

From time to time we broke the kiss to breathe a lovesick sigh or to whisper I love you. But mostly we just kissed.

To us, having avoided the intimacy of that for years, it meant more than any word could say.

Somewhere in the background a car arrived, and we heard a door open and close again.

"Hey bro! Is that cleaning the camper? Looks more like cleaning the girl next door to me!"

Bella gasped again, but I kept kissing her, while I flipped Emmett the finger over my shoulder.

His booming laughter echoed over the street "Congratulations, dude. Took you long enough!" he answered before entering my house, and I agreed with him.

I was the lucky one today, deserving the congrats.

My girl had waited for me to finally open my eyes, and see what was in front of me all along.

* * *

**Head over Feet – Alanis Morissette  
**  
I had no choice but to hear you,  
you stated your case time and again  
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess,  
I'm not used to liking that  
You ask how my day was

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole  
You're so much braver than I gave you credit for  
That's not lip service

You are the bearer of unconditional things  
You held your breath and the door for me  
Thanks for your patience

You've already won me over in spite of me  
And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet  
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are  
I couldn't help it  
It's all your fault

You're the best listener that I've ever met  
You're my best friend  
Best friend with benefits  
What took me so long

I've never felt this healthy before  
I've never wanted something rational  
I am aware now  
I am aware now…

* * *

**AN: This is the end of "Cupid Painted Blind". Please let me know what you think about it, even if it's just a short note... **

**Some people have asked me about writing a sequel. Are you interested in that?**


	23. Sequel!

Dear readers,

I have had several requests to write a sequel for "Cupid Painted Blind" so I decided to give it a try.

I start posting today and hope to update every Friday.

It's called "**Cupid State of Mind**".

Enjoy!!!  
Oh and please let me know what you think!

Greetz,  
Kaitsa


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